Thursday, December 30, 2010

The Space Between

I've often wondered if absence truly makes the heart fonder or does it give one an excuse to make things fall apart. Maintaining a long distance relationship has always been described as the hardest to maintain because there are many more obstacles to overcome. You have to take into account all of the physical barriers as well as the potential emotional disconnect that can occur when you can't be with the one you love. But who's to say that the miles that separate you have to hinder the bond that you two have unless there is an underlying issue.

Its my personal belief that a long distance relationship can work if there is a solid foundation that is set in place. If there are unresolved issues that linger before one moves away then there is a great probability the relationship won't pan out well. It just leaves room for speculation of all kinds of wrong doing and trust issues to occur more feverishly. Many different things could and possibly will go wrong but if you truly love and trust the one you're with then you could overcome these obstacles.

Trust...

It's a thing that most people take for granted but wish they valued the most once its gone. What's important to remember, especially in these types of relationships, is that trust is sometimes the only thing you have to hold on to. There's no sure fire way to know if your significant other is doing wrong or right, but trust is one thing you have to believe in. If that person means that much to you then they will do everything in their power to make sure it stays in tact. If they don't then the space between you two was put in place for a reason.

Until next time folks '...Keep calm and carry on'
 

Friday, December 24, 2010

Holiday Heartwarming

So if you got into my other holiday post (see: 'And That's What It's All About' post) I have a love/hate feeling toward holiday themed posts. I love the love and cheer that they bring but hate the cheesy nature of which most people bring to them.

Caught up? Good...

With that being said I feel Christmas is devoid of any holiday angst I hold against the promotional factors of what a holiday should be. Not only because you get stuff (score!!!) but the overall feeling that people get when this particular holiday rolls around. Christmas is the one holiday where people who have nasty dispositions 364 days out of the year shed that appearance to make at least one person happy. Christmas gives that type of feeling where the good of the common man usurps an individuals feelings for at least one day and the world can at least seem to be at peace.

Regardless of what religion, political party, or any battling oppositional force you belong to we can all agree that Christmas is a time where we can all lay our metaphorical guns down for at least a day. I don't know if it's my sunny disposition on the world or just naive thinking but I have always felt that the christmas spirit should be applied every day and not just in that one moment. Could you imagine a world where people actually took time to give a damn about more than themselves for an extended period of time? Having the spirit of the holidays in their heart all year round would just make this world a little more bearable for everyone to live in.

Maybe it's just wishful thinking on my part accompanied with a 'Disney/ Happily Ever After' mindset but to imagine a world where that particular holiday heartwarming covers everyone's heart is a world I have always envisioned living in since I was young. Yeah it's kind of a 'corny' thing to say but I truly do wish all people peace on Earth.

Even if this falls upon deaf ears, I just felt it needs to be said because my wish is for everyone to have peace (all of this was said while doing the Ms. America 'shocked face') So with all of that being said, I encourage all of you to take the warm feelings you during Christmas and extend them through the rest of the year.

Happy Holidays Everyone

Until next time folks '...Keep calm and carry on'

Before My Brain Kicks In...

So I'm laying here....

It's morning and I'm in your arms, we had a great night. I feel like I'm on cloud 9 because there is nowhere in the world I'd rather be than right there with you. Then it happens....shit gets real; I start thinking about all the shit that could potentially go wrong with loving you. I could get hurt, I could end up really liking you more than I want to which scares the shit out of me, and most importantly I could get lost in you and lose myself. There are a myriad of reasons to why I can't be with you but one thing is for certain, I enjoy this moment with you right here and right now. So before my brain kicks in and starts weighing me down with 'cons', I'm going to relish in the 'pros'.

It's a beautiful feeling when you let yourself get lost in a world where it feels like you and the one you truly care for are the only two people in the planet. Especially if the person you are with in that moment is someone you could have never picture yourself being with. Sometimes its a welcome surprise but it's a confusing place to be in because you picture your ideal person in your head then you see what life gives you. But just being with that person and enjoying them wholeheartedly, just throws all of those notions out of the window.

It's almost as if all the potential problems seem to be erased with every laugh evoked and a moment of clarity is exuded because of their presence. The feeling you get transcends all logic and rational thinking to the point where it begins to get scary. It's scary because you could never in a million years imagine yourself here with this person and you kind of like it against your better judgment. A classic case of your head telling you no but your heart telling you go with it.

I'm a strong advocate for a healthy balance of the mind and the heart coming to a solid agreement with matters of the heart, but sometimes you just have to go with what makes you feel right. You should never deprive yourself from at least attempting to be happy with the one you're with because it may be just what you need.

Until next time folks '...Keep calm and carry on'

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Stanning For Yourself

Sometimes I get down on myself...

Everyday I struggle to have some sort of belief system in my capabilities and if I'm able to accomplish certain things. Deep down in my soul I know I have limitless potential to do great things because I have in the past, but most of the time I never laud my accomplishments. And I feel right now that this is the time where that needs to coming to a crashing halt. It's time I start stanning for myself....

I get the term 'stan' from the popular song by Eminem, talking about how someone obsessively praises someone else to the point where it became insane. The amount of time and dedication that 'stan' spent on that other particular person went into overdrive and they started believing in that preson and their reality more than their own. Which led me to thinking what would happen if I started 'stanning' for me and what i want to do?

I spend a considerable amount of time promoting and pushing other people's products and personal dreams that I sometimes forget to push myself to do great things. Or even worse, I downgrade what I have done to promote what others have done. But all that is going to change; today I am taking a stand to start pushing myself and what I'm doing to promote MYSELF.

I don't personally believe there is anything wrong with a little shameless self promotion. As a matter of fact I whole heartedly encourage it. Just think about it, who else is going to as hard for something you believe in other than yourself? That's right, NOBODY!!! So why not promote and market yourself in the best light on your own accords?

Of course there will be doubters and nay-sayers who want to derail you of what you truly want to do into something more conventional, but all of that must be alluded to maintain your ultimate goal. If you have a vision you must have tunnel vision and keep your eyes on the prize, but most importantly you have to believe in whatever you're pushing with your whole heart and energy.

 So I came up with a little mantra that I go by and maybe it can help you as well:
"The belief in myself is always going to be greater than the doubt anyone has for me"

Now get to stanning for yourself and I'll see you at the top =)

Until next time folks '...Keep calm and carry on'

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

That 'H.ouse I.n V.irginia'

Taboo (ta-bu) 1. 1.A ban or an inhibition resulting from social custom or emotional aversion.

...I been feeling the urge to talk about this subject for a very long time because I feel like it's an issue that alot of people tend to avoid. There is an epidemic going on, especially with the African American community, that most people tend to take lightly. The epidemic that I am talking about is the silent killer, HIV/AIDS.

Recently there has been awareness due to World Aids Day and the recent development of a potential 'cure' for HIV being developed. link But the discussion of this rather important topic still needs to be discussed because there are many people who are still wildly unaware of the outcomes of this disease.

It seems as though most people think they are impervious to catching HIV especially in the African-American community because there isn't very much dialouge going on about methods of prevention. Also there doesn't seem to be a full understanding of how HIV affects our community. The reason to why HIV/AIDS in the African American community is taboo seems to be because no one wants to 'point the finger' at any one group for tracing the origin of where most of the cases are coming from. (i.e. AA women, Homosexuals, "DL" Brothers, etc.) But most of this dialouge should and NEEDS to be discussed in order to try  plan methods of prevention and build awareness.

This idea just doesn't go for African-Americans exclusively but can go for everyone. Protecting yourself and the ones you love from contracting HIV/AIDS is an important step everyone must take to save lives. I feel it is almost important to include that if you already do have the disease HIV/AIDS that this does not automatically equal a death sentence for you. There are many different prescriptions and drugs that can help you lead a normal life. So please don't feel alienated or ashamed becuase of your status; it does not define who you are. I want to personally say you are beautiful and strong and can make it through through your situation with a little strength and courage.

Whether you are 'positive' or 'negative' it is important to know where you stand as far as your health is concerned. In this world all you have as far as an individual, and to not take the necessary steps to ensure they are safe guarded speaks volumes to how you ultimately feel about yourself. Not to mention how you feel about those you share your body with.

Knowing and loving youself includes taking the time out to get yourself tested regularly for all things health related. Living a healthy lifestyle is not only necessary, but vital.

Learn, love, and live responsibly guys....

Until next time guys '...Keep calm and carry on.'

Monday, December 13, 2010

STAG-nation

You know what I really hate about driving to certain places? The thing I hate the most are the speed bumps that always get in the way. They always get in the way of you getting where you need to be in the time you want to be there. But ultimately, these speed bumps on the road to your destination get you where you need to be in a safe and timely manner; regardless of how much you hate it.

I think the same thing can be said about life and the obstacles that get in our way toward our ultimate destination. The things that seem to slow us down seem to do so for a reason. And most of the time, its just to make us reflect on what we have down and just look at the bigger picture. Any form of 'speed bumps' in our life, whether they be for good or for bad are usually put in our way to test our character. Most of the time they help us gauge how far we have come as people.

It's my personal belief that sleep is for sucka's and breaks are for cartilage, but going full throttle on every single endeavor with no signs of slowing down won't help you either. Sometimes a slow down in what you are doing is necessary but the problem lies in when you get stuck at that pit stop. The best scenario most of the time is to put your best foot forward while taking a moment to step back and reflect that all you have accomplished. This allows you to not become so consumed with what you HAVE to do and let's you appreciate WHAT you have done. Getting stuck in a standstill though is the worst thing that you can ever do.

If you have come to feeling that you have reached your metaphorical glass ceiling then chances are it's time you have exhausted all possibilities in that particular scenario. Slowing down to a standstill is never productive and usually leaves your train of thought idle. And you know what they say, 'An idle mind is the devil's playground'. What's usually best is to keep yourself occupied in things that don't seem so taxing on your psyche.

The most important thing to remember is that the off ramps and speed bumps in our lives are placed there for a reason. It's ok to slow down to enjoy the ride but never let them stop your progress.

Until next time folks '...Keep calm and carry on'

Friday, December 10, 2010

The Power of the Title

Here's the scenario...

You've been talking to someone for a long period of time. Things are going great, you enjoy them and they enjoy you. You all go out on dates, seen together in public with your friends, and even may have been intimate a time or 12. Then one day it all happens...you have the dreaded 'talk'. And we all know how it starts, 'I want to ask you something? Where is this going?' Suddenly things start getting 'real' and the dynamics of everything change drastically. You go from casually seeing each other to making what you have something that can be defined as a 'relationship'.

(Cue evil music) Duhn duh duh!!!

I don't mean this to sound derogatory, but why does it seem putting a title on something so carefree when dealing with other people always change things for the worst? I think we can all agree that there are a different set of rules for pre and post-title statuses. It feels like everything before that point where things become solidified is the part that's cake. Nothing's too stressful, you seem to genuinely enjoy each other and there's just no parameters on the opportunities that you two can have because there is nothing holding you back.

Once a title is placed on whatever you have with another person, there is a shift in the dynamics of the relationship. Most of the time it's because of the sense of entitlement that comes with the term 'boyfriend/ girlfriend'. Post title rules are like the physical manifestation of what a relationship should be as opposed to the care-free fantasy of what dating is.

Don't get me confused in thinking that I believe there is something wrong with monogamy; in fact I feel its beautiful. Taking that step to be committed to one person is very positive and very healthy, but the fact of the matter is the establishment of any title (husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend, etc) does change things, as well as your perception of one another considerably. So before you chose to pursue or not pursue a potential relationship, consider the power of the title you are putting on it. It could change your life.

Until next time folks '...Keep calm and carry on'

Thursday, December 9, 2010

The "C" Word

Commitment.

What came to mind when you read that? Did you immediately wince in your seat? I know I had a rumbling in my stomach from the mention of it. Hell, that was scary just the thought of even writing it down. It feels as though the thought of only being with one person for a long period of time seems to put the fear of god in most people's heart worse than death sometimes. But where does this fear of only being exclusive with one person stem from? Why does it seem that the "C word" concept is one that most people can't wrap their minds around?

As far as I can conclude most people have a fear of the "C word" for one of three reasons:

Reason #1: 'Daddy issues'- It isn't a rare occurance for our parents to be seperated now a days. Seeing your father or mother move out of a marriage leaves a lasting impression of how relationships should be handled in their kids minds. So not having that proper example of a healthy relationship often adds to the fear of the big "C"; mostly because that person starts to feel it won't ever work.

Reason #2: 'Fear'- Quite simply people won't commit because they're a coward. They feel that if they give into the feelings that they have for their significant other then that will somehow restrict them and they will lose all of their indiviuality. So rather than facing the issue head on, they run and never take that next step; these people specialize in never taking chances in the matter of the heart.

Reason #3: 'The I'm Doing Me/Hoe Shit excuse' These type of people just aren't capable of loving anyone other than themselves. They have plenty of options and they're going to exhaust every one of them because they can. Most of the time they tell you what you want to hear just to get what they want. More often than not they have no intenions of being with only you, or anyone for that matter, and that's just the way it is.

Regardless of which category you may feel like you fall into, it is important to remember that commitment is a HUGE part in any relationship. It not only shows your strength of character, but allows you to grow as an individual. Making that all important step to making something official with someone shows that you are in it to win it with them. We all must protect our hearts from people who want to take advantage of us, but playing it safe all the time never got anyone anywhere. Besides if you aren't willing to lock down someone you truly care about there will always be someone else more than willing to do so.

Until next time folks '...Keep calm and carry on'

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Dickmatized

Have you ever had that kind of sex that just made you lose your damn mind? I mean having flashbacks in the middle of the day, doing cartwheels in the middle of the street, can’t focus on your work, ‘they just put it on me like no other’ type of good sex?

Yeah I have too…

This is the type of sex that will render you helpless in any situation to succumb to your lovers every whim even though every fiber of your being doesn’t want to do it. But this person puts it on you so good that you will gladly be their ‘bitch’ in ANY situation.

You my friend have been thoroughly ‘dickmatized’…

And this doesn’t just go for girls (and the gays ‘how u doin?’), but for dudes too. When a girl puts that cat trap on you just right enough that you just fall victim to every trick she does to you, you have just been ‘dickmatized’, cause she put that ‘hypo-penis’ on you right. (S/O to my girl Jessica for coming up with ‘hypo-penis’ lol)

Being ‘dickmatized’ isn’t always a bad thing but the problem does arise when people start confusing that good dick/pussy that they’re getting with a real relationship. And when I say this, I mean when people start having that great sex as the basis of how they interact with one another. It’s not to say that there can NEVER be a relationship that comes out of great sex, but chances are most of the time it won’t happen. Still there are those who insist on trying to make it happen when it just won’t work.

Trying to make something solid out of relationship that is built on a shaky foundation, such as sex, is usually never a good idea. Sometimes it’s best to just let the good sex just be that, good sex. Enjoy that good pussy or that astonishing dick that you’re getting and call it a day.

But remember, “Whoop that pussy, don’t let that pussy whip you” ;)

Until next time folks ‘…Keep calm and carry on’

Wanting That Old Thing Back

‘Is it a crime, that I still want you, and I want you to want me too…’

Sade uttered those melodic words many years ago in one of her songs as an ode to a love that was lost in a desperate plea to recover what they once had. I heard that song as a kid and thought to myself, it really isn’t worth it to go back to someone you left in a relationship because there usually is a reason to why you left them. At that point I had looked at every situation in terms of what a relationship should be in terms of ideals and what I had heard in songs about what love should and shouldn’t be. Being so young and inexperienced in matters of the heart, it just felt like there had to be ground rules for everything in terms of relationships and especially a break-up.

Then one fateful day love hit and all that shit went out the window…

‘Love’ finally hit me and all the ideals I conditioned myself to believe started getting cloudy because this person rocked my world to the core. And ‘core shaking’ relationships usually affect you in ways that muddy up your judgment even after the love is gone. So when I heard Sade sing that song again years later I finally got where she was coming from in regards to wanting that old thing back. But my question is, what are we really asking for when we want to revisit our past with a former love?

Even with my ‘core rocked’ my sense of judgment isn’t thrown that awry that I can’t think logically with the situation that was. I still steadfastly believe that if you leave a person you were in a relationship with it is usually for a good reason, but sometimes that one bad reason can’t negate the good times you two once shared. And if those flashbacks ain’t a muthafucka then I don’t know what is?

But with every flashback to the good old times, ALL of the memories of the past start flooding back and you go in one big circle of what used to be. And that just leaves you right back at square one of why you separated in the first place. I’ve come to realize when we usually want that old thing back most of the time we usually just long for the thought of being with that person instead of truly wanting to be with them.

Those flashbacks of when times were good overwhelm our judgment and mentally stagnate us from moving on to the next or even with our lives. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with reliving the past from time to time, but it becomes a problem when you get stuck in the past. We all have our moments when we feel like we want to go back to what made us happy with a person from our past, but most of the time its best to let to let it go.

Hold dear the memories in your heart, but leave your heart open to new experiences for love…

Until next time folks ‘…Keep calm and carry on’

Thursday, November 25, 2010

And That's What It's All About

I'm a in a bit of dilemma...

I usually hate holiday themed posts because they always come off as contrived and corny, but dammit if I don't love em for the same reason. Thanksgiving is no different, but this year in particular the holiday spirit is hitting me extra hard. I don't think there's been a time in my life that I have been more thankful to be in the position I am in doing the things I love with the people I care about the most. I truly appreciate everything that I have gone through this year to become the person that I am today.

There's an old saying that, 'To whom much is given, much is tested' and lord knows I have been tested this year. And if I had a chance to do it all over again I wouldn't change a thing.

This year, I have gone through family issues, personal issues, and many questions of my faith only to come out stronger and more determined to be great while helping the people around me. I now truly know that through God's grace and the love of the people who care for us dearly that the only person that can stop any of us, is ourselves.

So I would just like say to all of my family, please hold the relationships we have with each other closely. At the end of the day, we are all we have in the end when friends let us down and when life gets too tough. Continue to learn, grow, laugh, and treasure all of the memories that you can. But most importantly to tell the ones that you love you love them while they are still here because you never know what may happen and tomorrow is never promised.

To all of my friends, be thankful and appreciate every precious moment you may encounter because those priceless moments are irreplaceable gifts. For those are the moments that make life so special, not how much you can buy.

So before I become to long winded, I would like to say that I am thankful for family, friends, and the precious moments in life that allow sappy holiday posts such as this one possible. To God be the glory and LETS GET TO EATING!!!


Until next time folks '...Keep calm and carry on'

Friday, November 19, 2010

Mean What You Say and Say What You Mean

I've been having some very insightful conversations lately with some of my freinds about relationships lately. And what is interesting about them all is that they have to do with the communication aspect of how they interact with people they're dealing with. More specifically most of what they were talking about had to deal with relaying certain messages to their significant other on the dynamics of their relationship. It was interesting to hear what they had to say on the subject because I always come from a different POV.

The one point that really stuck out to me the most in all of their stories was when each of them proclaimed they didn't want a relationship with the person they were dealing with but were doing relationship actions. What part of the game is that? You want to play house with them but not purchase the home? And that my friends is where the dilemma lies; you can't say you don't want something serious to happen with someone else and do the opposite without it leading to all types of confusion.

Sure, you can make it clear in SAYING that you don't want something to happen but as the old addage goes 'actions speak louder than words'. You can't honestly expect the other person in a situation that 'is what it is' (Sidebar: I hate that saying when it comes to relationships...it really grinds my gears) to not catch feelings after a while if you are 'playing relationship' for a significant amount of time. Regardless of what people say, everyone catches feelings at one point or another. You can't fault the other party for hoping that a relationship will develop if your words ultimately don't match up with what you're doing.

On the flip side, falling for someone is a choice that the other person decided to make. If said person chooses to fall for that person after they say they are not willing to be 100% in it, then you can't really blame the other party for what you decided to do. Nobody told you you have to be in that relationship, it was a conscious decision that person ultimately put on themselves. And as one of my dear friend say, which is secretly the gospel 'Life is all about decisions'.

Be that as it may, most of the problems that were brought up in the various situations that were explained to me could be solved by having your words and your actions correspond with one another. Simply saying something to a person you want to deal with ultimately means nothing if you do actions to prove otherwise. If you just mean what you say and stand stedfastly stand behind that it can really clean up most of the mess that most people go thorugh.

Sigh...the beat goes on

Until next time folks '...Keep calm and carry on'

When Life Kicks You In The Nuts

People often say that when it rains it pours, but I think they forgot to add the part where the tornado and the tsunami come in too to make one big mess. The real world is a big and scary place that has you experience either the highest of highs or the shittiest of lows with little room in between. This is SO not how it was supposed to work out. Things were supposed to be great and everything runs smoothly; yeah you'll have your trials but there will be a happy ending.

Boy how wrong was I?

When you're growing up it seems as though you imagine the life you want and never think of what will happen if things don't go that way. Then all of a sudden, life hits you and things start to get a little grim. All of the big plans you had for yourself and agenda's you set to seek out start shifting to the side in an effort just to get by.

Classic case of a dream deffered...

I like to title this 'When Life Kicks You in the Nuts' because if you have ever experienced such a pleasure they are sort of comparable. As one that has been hit in the nuts many times I can definitely say that the pain encountered in both situations leave you in a certain place. A place that can only be described as when devastation kicks in. At that particular moment you're on the floor (both physically and metaphorically in their respecitve places) asking where did I go wrong and why did I make this decision? Your kind of in a place where you feel like you'll never get past this pain and all hope is lost for any kind of recovery.

But then the pain starts to subside and you can start seeing straight again. You get to a point where you can get back on your feet and brush off all the hurt. At that point it seems like what you just experiened really wasn't as bad as when you initially got hit in your metaphorical 'nuts'.

All of this is to say that anguish and hard times are only temporary, and getting hit in the nuts (metaphorically and physically) really sucks but the pain will pass. So when your going through life and get a swift kick to the jewels, remember to breathe and readjust your groin to deal with the pain. Walking it off always makes everything better.

Until next time folks '...Keep calm and carry on'

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Can You Let Me Miss You?

I don't know if it's just me, but I really have a problem with people I'm talking to being too available. It's such a turnoff to know that you're ALWAYS there whenever I call. I know this may sound a little shallow and petty of me but hey it is what it is. Especially, if it's early in a potential relationship GOD I HATE THAT!!! It's just something about always being 'there', that irritates my soul.

Now don't get me wrong, I like when people show a genuine interest in me when trying to get to know me but there is a time when it becomes too much. I figure if we have a good relationship communication wise, then you won't need to check in on me every couple of minutes to see what I'm doing. Naturally I would want to let you know what I'm doing and I'll reach out to you.

I'm the kind of person that if all the mystery and intrigue about you is gone, I'm ultimately over you. I need something to look forward with the person I'm talking to and if I always know you're there then there's a good chance I'll get over you quickly. I say that because chances are the relationship will be like a microwave relationship; everything happens so quickly you can't truly appreciate the time it took to make it. What's funny is that I can identify with the 'always there' part because it's happen to me. Walking contradiction I know, but the situation always seems different when it happens to you.

Maybe the trick to not seeming like you're there all the time is to just pace yourself with contacting that person. Anytime you feel yourself being a nuisance to your potential mate, you probably are.

Until next time folks '...Keep calm and carry on'

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Are Omissions Signs Of Betrayal?

For anyone close to me, they know that I think Brittany Murphy is the quintessential white woman. And as the quintessential white woman I loved everything she has done, god rest her soul. (In case you were wondering this has something to do with my point so just bare with me lol) One of my favorite movies from her is called 'Little Black Book', which is a story about a girl in a relationship that she was having doubts about and wanted to check out how he treated his ex-girlfriends. So she decided that she would do some investigating on her boyfriend to see what he may be hiding from her and through a quirky journey of discovering info about his ex-dates and self discovery she finally came to the climax. And in the climax she said a line that really stuck with me in regards to relationships I always wondered about. She said 'Omissions are signs of betrayal' after finding out about all of the details he 'conveniently' neglected to tell her.

Hmmm...

After I heard that I really got to thinking about that particular subject and wondered if you choose to omit certain details about your past relationships is that really a sign of betrayal? Or is the omission just a way to keep the peace in the relationship? Think about it, is it truly the best policy when 'what you don't know won't kill you?' Or is it best to be open and honest about everything to avoid the 'gotcha gotcha' trap attempt that eventually come up?

For me I feel, honesty is the best policy and should be applied in this particular scenario. But as we all know things aren't always as simple as that when the truth is told. But if you truly care about someone enough to tell them the truth you should suck it up and deal with the consequences. And I for one am a believer in if you ask me a question be prepared for an honest answer because if you ask then you should be prepared for whatever the outcome may be. Hopefully what you have to ask for me to reveal isn't too bad though, you might get your feelings hurt.

Until next time folks '...Keep calm and carry on'

I Hate This Part

I think the only thing that irritates me more than failure, is being wrong.

I don't know if it's the whole notion of not being able to say 'I told you so' or just the not right-ness of the whole thing, but it really irritates my soul. But alas, I have to come to the realization that I will not be right in every scenario. I think I'm getting better at admitting that I'm wrong at some things but a part of me still dies every time I have to do so. Is this what growing pains are all about, because if they are then check me out now.

Even though I hate admitting that I'm wrong or even considering that I'm wrong in certain things, I still find ways to make myself right in the situation. That's my Aquarian nature, we will find a way for our voice to be heard and a way for us to be right in any scenario ;)I know, I know it's terrible but hey that's apart of my charm, and you'll grow to love it right? Right =/

Sigh...

I swear this is the hardest thing to do sometimes, but people are right when they say admitting you're wrong really helps you grow. In any situation you won't be right 100 percent of the time and I'm starting to realize that this may be a good thing.

Admitting your inadequacies and even the mere that you're wrong says a lot about you. It encourages growth and allows you to see things through a different spectrum. So as much as it pains me to say this, 'My name is Kyle and i'm not always right'. That wasn't so bad =)

Until next time folks '...Keep calm and carry on'

Friday, November 5, 2010

Wearing Your Mother's Heels


Have you ever had something that you secretly wanted to do or carry out but you know if ANYBODY found out you would die a silent death? I think we all do, but it’s these secret fetishes that we all have that give us the ultimate rush in life and the fact that it’s our little secret makes it that much more fun. I like to think of this like the phase when some young boys wear their mother’s heels. You know that one thing we all want to do, just to see what it feels like to be something other than what we are supposed to be like.
It’s my personal belief that all people, regardless of whatever lifestyle you live, have a secret obsession that you don’t want to admit you do to the world. It’s like a personal voyage into a world that isn’t meant to be known by everyone else. And in most cases it’s absolutely necessary to keep your sanity.
We spend so much time conforming to society and fitting into the ideals of what others think we should be doing that we loose sight of what we ultimately want to do to make us happy. Whether it be for your personal life, in business, in a relationship, anything it’s important to keep your sense of self. Yeah you may have some quirks and things about you that may not be seen as ‘acceptable’ to many, but fuck ‘em. That’s right fuck ‘em. You’re equivalent of ‘stepping in your mother’s heels’ is what makes you, YOU.  And as we should all know by now, I am the biggest advocate of doing whatever makes you happy.
So live your life for you, and do that freaky thing you do. Put your mother’s heels on, but just make sure they’re the right size for you.
Until Next Time folks ‘…Keep Calm and Carry On’

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Decisions, Decisions...


Have you ever stopped to consider how much you would invest into someone to be in a relationship?

I mean really, you go through all of these emotions and feelings to try and be with someone for what? For a hypothetical ‘game’ being played to see who will admit to liking the other first? For a whole bunch of strain and self evaluation of whether or not it’s even worth it in the end? So many questions but not enough answers…
Sigh.
When can you truly know when you've gotten to a point where you feel like all your struggles and sacrifices to be in this relationship are working out in your favor? Is there a set moment when you can truly realize if this is the best situation for you? I've been racking my mind lately on what the ultimate cost-benefit analysis of a potential relationship is.
I don’t know what works for you, but as far as I’m concerned there is a cost benefit analysis that must be done and put into further review before a decision of an acquisition of a relationship can be made. It just has to be done!!! In my opinion, you HAVE to weigh pro’s and con’s of every situation a potential mate is giving you personality/psychologically/financial wise to protect your heart. This is important because the beginning of a courting process is where you can figure out what you are and aren’t willing to put up with from said person. Not to mention gauging how much crazy this person potentially has, because we’re all a little loco in the grand scheme of things. But I digress…
The purpose of the relationship cost-benefit analysis is to see how much you would be profiting from the time you’re investing into someone based off of the emotional output they are giving you. If it’s not a mutual give and take in terms of communication and general respect, then it’s a shaky investment to put your emotional stock in and you should probably fall back. But if you are seeing a generous return on your investment, then it might be time to buy into this relationship. 
I understand not everyone’s standards for a great return on investment in a relationship cost benefit analysis are the same but just make sure there is a standard. And make sure you stand by it, because if you just accept any offer that put on the table then you stock will plummet greatly.
Know your worth and invest wisely in your romantic endeavors.
Until next time folks ‘…Keep calm and carry on’

Friday, October 29, 2010

Considering the Source

'Tell me why do I find that the blind is always tryin' to lead the blind, they always go something to say everyday about the way you do your thing...' -Mya

Why does it always seem that people always want to tell you things that they know nothing about? I think people just have a natural reaction to say something or offer some advice on everything just to seem as though they're paying attention to the conversation. Well here's a word of advice, DON'T SPEAK ON THINGS YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!!! I mean this in the nicest way possible. =)

I can understand wanting to help friends and offer encouraging words to help your friends, but most of the time if you dont know what you're talking about then you're doing more damage than good. But the people who give the advice aren't the only culprits in this case, the people who TAKE the advice are as much to blame for most of their outcomes. If you take advice from someone you know doesn't know what they're talking about or doesn't think along the lines that you do, then you have no one to blame but yourself.

Think about it, why would you ask someone who lives their life in a completely different manner than you do on anything even remotely important? That's like asking a crackhead to do your taxes, it just doesn't make any sense. In all honesty, there is no 'right' answer for taking advice from someone, it's all up to your discrestion. People listen to what they want to hear most of the time, so just use your own good judgement to determine what works best for you. But keep in mind, the best advice comes from people who have actually been what you're going through, not the ones who can only imagine it.

Until next time folks '...Keep calm and carry on'

Sunday, October 24, 2010

BITCH I'm Beautiful!!!

You ever just look at yourself and just say, 'Damn, I look good!!'. If you haven't you should....

We are all created to God's specific design so why not celebrate what we have? Sure we all have our own unique insecurities and problems but instead of complaining about them embrace them. Being beautiful doesn't always mean being physically appealing to everyone, it includes a greater composition of what makes you YOU.  It's very possible to be the prettiest person in the room but be the 'ugliest' person in your life if your mind and attitude aren't on point.

Being beautiful (in my opinion) means accepting yourself and others in ways that go beyond how you look. It's embracing your flaws, it's feeling comfortable in your skin, it's accepting others for who they are and most importantly it's letting your true light shine through for the world to see. When people see the real you and you let your genuine nature show people can feel it and sense you're truly being yourself and that's a beautiful thing.

It's my personal belief that physical beauty should be a plus not a priority, but when you have your mind and your body right why not celebrate it? Yeah you may not feel too pretty on some days but just know you are always gonna be the best looking you you can ever be. And nothing's better than that. So get into yourself and love every minute of it!!!

I mean why not? If you're feelin' it, FEEL IT!!! So the next time you walk past a mirror, stop real quick, look yourself up and down, and shout 'BITCH, I'm beautiful!!'

Until next time folks '...keep calm and carry on'

Friday, October 22, 2010

How Unfortunate....

We all know the face...and you ALL know what I'm talking about.

Here's the scenario: You're meet a whole new group of people and you're doing the standard 'getting to know you process'. Everyone is having a good time, eating, laughing, and loving like those happy white folks do in the movie. Then it all happens...the question of death, and you know who it's coming from too. The only couple in said group asks you the all important question: 'So are you single?' and the room becomes deathly silent. At that moment all conversation stops and all attention is squarely on you. Are you or aren't you? Then you utter the three magic words 'Yes I am' and that's where the looks begin. All the people who are coupled up look at you with the look most people give the starving kids from Africa on those 'feed the children commercials'. I like to call that the 'condescension special'; because heaven forbid your single by choice.

What is up with that anyway? Why do people in society feel as though being single is a punishment worse than death? It seems as though a single person is in automatic contention for a life doomed to be lived alone with 20 cats and an imaginary friend that's really a volleyball. Being single doesn't make you the bane of everyone's existence or mean that something's wrong with you, it just your relationship status at the moment. Who's to say that you always need to be with someone to define your happiness and make you whole?

Most of the people that are silently judging you for being single have that very problem!!! They find security in their mate and don't really take the time to get right with themselves. So they define being whole by being with someone and that's where they get the game completely wrong. Being by yourself, gives you time to really 'get into' yourself, and learn more about what you are capable of. Not to mention you learn how much and how long your capable of going without some things that you may have once thought only another body could bring you. Being single should be worn as a badge of honor, taken in regards in the highest regard of any situation. So the next time, someone gives you the 'condescension special' when you tell them you're single simply proclaim...

I AM SINGLE, HEAR ME ROAR!!!

(P.S. u might wanna change that temporarily while it's cuffin' season though #imjustsayin)

Until next time folks '...Keep calm and carry on'

The 2 Week Rule

So something just happened...

It's really big and its a really juicy piece of info that if it got out I could be looked at in a completely different way by everybody.  I just HAVE to tell my friends about this!!! But wait, it's a little too embarrassing for anyone to know about. UGH!!!! I feel so bad for not wanting to tell them because they are my friends, and I know they'll be there for me regardless of whatever I do. But I can't STAND to hear the 'I told you so' and the sound of disappointment in their voice. How long should I wait to tell them?

You ever been in that situation? Where you have something really private and maybe a little embarrassing/disappointing happen that you don't want people to know about and can't share with anyone? Not even your closest friends because you kind of want to wish it to just go away? Yeah me too. Recently I was talking with one of my closest friends about how long is too long for time to go by to not tell your closest friends any piece of information that they might need to be up on. And from that conversation we came up with a '2 week rule', that says if you let any piece of information that is imperative go past 2 weeks and don't tell anyone about it, especially your best friends, then that's shady. I mean your best friends should love and accept you through any situation but does EVERY piece of information need to be shared?

To begin with, I think it's a fair rule to go with but I also find some flaws in that theory.There are certain circumstances that you feel shouldn't be discussed at all with anyone (relationships, family issues, etc.) because they are sacred to you and you still do need your own personal thoughts and opinions. But for the stuff that's for the greater good of the relationship at hand with your friends I feel there should be no boundaries. Things of critical importance need to be shared asap and without hesitation. Because if you don't think to tell your friends how you feel about certain events in a timely manor then (IMO) you really don't think that much of them.

Your friends are a reflection of yourself in some way, shape, or form. And since they stand for different facets of your personality, sometimes it's vital for them to give you different opinions and viewpoints of some situations. Withholding information from them isn't the worst thing in the world but it speaks volumes on how much you trust them to handle certain things in a certain way.

So let's jut say you've gotten to the point where you've past the 2 weeks without telling your friend the information, now what? Well if you have good friends they will probably be over you but understand where you're coming from and still have your best intentions at heart regardless of what it is. So whether or not you agree with the '2 week rule' have enough faith in your real friends to know that they will be there for you through thick and thin, and share the information you need to tell. But don't make it too long...cuz that's shady ;)

Until next time folks '....Keep calm and carry on'

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Don't Try, Just Be...

Sometimes I want to be something I'm not...

I admire people that can be unapologetic and brazen when they step in the room. I give respect to those who have the courage to be themselves regardless of any situation and are larger than life. I even respect some people who may not always make the right decisions and live their lives on the edge regardless of the situation. And while I embody some of those qualities, I don't quite take it to the extreme. Most of the times, I'm safe with what i say as to not offend many people. Sometimes, I don't speak up as to not 'rock the boat' in many a situation. And most of the time my rebellion to society isn't that rebellious but a little more than tame. And with that I admit, there are times when I try to be some of the people I encounter that have these qualities because I respect their stance on life that is often opposite of what I am. I take on some of their qualities and mannerisms to empower myself and become sort of a caricature of myself. Sort of like my version of (insert person here).

Sad I know, but hear me out....

I don't want you to think that I don't love myself and everything about me, but there are just moments when I want to just take on another persona that is so far left of what i actually am. I think it's just because I want to escape the reality and monotony that is my life and see the world from a different point of view. Sometimes I get lost in a facade of a perfect world that other people portray themselves to be in and want to be in that world so badly because it's not mine. Just to feel how they feel and see things how they do to feel something different than what I do. The trouble with that though is when engage in that behavior I usually get lost in their identity and lose my own. I end up living vicariously through someone else's life instead of living my own and appreciating everything that makes me great.

Does this sound like you?

I feel most people have a complex with seeing the grass as greener in everyone else's pasture because of the facade most people put up as reality. And usually, when you try to live vicariously through someone's borrowed lifestyle it never fits on you right. Kind of like how a signature scent only smell's good on the original person who wears it and stinks on everyone else. It's best just to be yourself in life because there is only one you. The struggle of just being us is already hard enough to bear without trying to being someone else.

So let your freak flag fly fuckers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Unitl next time folks '...keep calm and carry on'

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Acts and Identities

Im Gay....

Powerful statement right? There's a lot of feelings and emotions that go along with this word when it comes to dealing with people in society. Just saying the word out loud gives me a feeling in the pit of my stomach that stirs up all kinds of emotions. The word has so much gravity to it that we as a society seem to personify it and make it its own entity. The word 'gay' takes on its own persona that envelops a person and everything they do to a point where that person is no longer themselves but the identifier that they choose to be. It's not just about being yourself; it's about being your GAY self. Which completely changes everything about you in our society right?

When I look over how people depict other people in my everyday life its a sad reality how many of us make certain assumptions about a person solely based on what they do. It's not even just about being gay, black, white, man, woman, or whatever you identifier is; it's the societal expectation that goes along with being that identifier that gets me. Like when someone says to a black person 'Why are you speaking like that?Are you trying to act white?' Why would you imply that black people should speak with a slang and sound ignorant simply because they're black? Better yet, when someone assumes a man is emotionless because they are a male. Or conversely, when they assume a woman is weak and emotional just because she is a female.

When people confuse acts and identities with a person's true personality, it gets to be an uncomfortable situation for most because they don't define that person most of the time. My being gay doesn't define my identity; it's just an act that I choose to partake in. How I speak doesn't define me as a black man or 'what I'm trying to be' in any way shape or form, but rather shows how I choose to express myself. Being a man or a woman doesn't relegate you to certain character traits or beliefs; they just let you know if you have a penis or a vagina. (Crass I know but you get the point lol)

Most of the beliefs people have about others is mostly based on stereotypes and other preconceived notions that usually end up being false anyway. Most of the acts I choose to do in my life don't necessarily define me as a person because they only show one facet of my life in particular situations. And because I'm human I can never be confined to a one dimensional description of my personality or identifier.

So I guess the next time someone asks whether im gay or not....I'll reply 'I'm not gay, I'm Kyle...complex individual'

Until next time folks '...Keep calm and carry on'

Long Road to Happy

Like most I have a story....We all do.

It's usually unique to our particular lives and our development as people but most of our stories run in line with one another. This weekend I was having dinner and wine with a few of my friends and we were all sharing our life stories about love, life, and happiness. As we all told our stories we all noticed that most of our stories were pretty much the same. Same family history, same love life problems; lots of congruency and commonalities. Of course there were certain scenario's that were different but the one subject that most of us agreed upon is that we have problems with being happy.

I thought about that for a while after we had our conversation, and really asked myself do i have a problem? Can I just not let myself be happy in any scenario? And what is holding me back from being happy? It seems as though with everything that's gone on in my life, something is blocking me from really letting myself be happy. For example, I'll see something I want to pursue or want some sort of relationship with whether it be business, relationship, whatever the case may be. Naturally I weigh the pro's and con's but I find myself in a 'con first mentality' and always expect the worst to happen.

With a 'con first mentality', you can never be happy because your always expecting the worst to happen even if things go your way. You can never be happy because you're always looking for something to be wrong. It's probably because I'm just so used to things going wrong and people letting me down that I'm just used to the bullshit. I'm not trying to say I'm jaded or anything like that but I live and die by the saying 'Plan for the worst and hope for the best.'


Thing that bothers me the most though is when I finally get something that goes right, I don't know how to respond to it; it just doesn't seem normal. Like when things go the way I want them to I always get this feeling of 'Something is bound to go wrong after a while' because they always seem to. But what happens when things don't go wrong and everything goes according to plan? Can I really accept just being happy in that scenario or will I self sabotage that situation? It's all really confusing but I'm not alone in my feelings.

I feel the first step to truly getting out of that 'con first mentality' is to truly get right with yourself. You have to address all of the problems or things that are plaguing you from fostering healthy relationships before you can move forward. Addressing problems that we carry as a burden in our lives only decreases the stagnation in our progression toward happiness. Like Erykah Badu said about baggage, 'One day all them bags gon' get in yo' way'. Just remember to 'pack light' and you road to happy will be lighter journey.

Until next time folks '...Keep calm and carry on'

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Finding the Root to Your Tree

In life we all have to go through times in our life where we have to evaluate what friends are here to stay for the long haul and the ones who are only good for the moment. All of them, are vital to your growing as an individual but most aren't necessary for the long haul. It may sound pretty harsh but the reality of the situation is that all of your so called 'friends' won't be in your life forever. There is an old saying goes 'People are going to be coming in and out of your life like seasons, its important to find the root to your tree and let all the leaves go' and I couldn't agree more.

Some people are placed in your life to teach you a lesson, whether it be for good or for bad they have an influence. Most of the time you will have what I like to call 'situational friends', who you confide in just because due to the scenario your in they're the closest to you. The perfect example of this would be the relationship with most of your high school friends. If you really think about it High School is the greater set up for life in the real world, the people and scenario's you encounter in high school will be the same situations you go through in life only with a slightly more mature dialogue.

But I digress...

I use the high school friends example because usually in High School you learn the most about people and their ways; especially which people are there for you and who aren't. Usually its a large group of people who hang together because they are all going through the same situation (High School) and are just trying to find someone to confide in going through the same problems you are in the moment. Sometimes you will run into a certain number of people who are there for you but more times you'll find friends who are only there for you in the moment. I know I didn't really grasp this until I got out of high school and went to college. Most of the people I considered close to me, distanced themselves from me once we weren't in the same scenario anymore. I still have some really great friends from high school, but not nearly as much as I did when I was in high school. I wasn't really mad when this happened because I really grasped the idea of people being 'leaves' in your life and the one's that are 'the root to your tree'. My number of people decreased but my understanding of people and the way they operate increased.

All of this is to say that having a greater understand of who is a 'leaf' and 'root' in your life is very vital to learn and grow as a person. 'Leaves' will come and go as the situation does; the 'root to your' tree will stay with you and really ride for you through thick and thin. Your root will always keep it real with you and forever have your best interest at heart. 'Roots' will progress with you and not try to hold you back if your doing a little bit better than them and vice versa. On the contrary,'leaves' will be right there with you when things are great and at the first sign of trouble bolt on the next thing smoking. 'Leaves' also tell you what you wanna hear as opposed to what you need to hear. 'Leaves' always remind you of what they've done for you and never let you forget it. 'Leaves' generally are only concerned with their well being and can could give a damn about what your doing.

Personally, I appreciate both 'leaves' and 'roots' because they are great learning experiences. If you don't have one you can't appreciate the lesson the other is teaching you. Negative or positive, there is always a lesson to be learned in any scenario. Now whether you pay attention to that lesson is up to you. But I'm sure your 'root' will help you figure it out.

Until next time folks'...Keep calm and carry on'

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Ain't No Feeling Like Being Free

It's the best feeling in the world!!! Just to know that you are able to live and feel the way you want to. The feeling of being liberated from prejudice, from an abusive relationship, from any hardship that is holding you back. I mean truly being free...but do you really know what it means to be free?


Being free means loving and embracing yourself enough to know that you deserve better than the situation your in. Being free means having the strength to say what's truly on your heart because you know it's coming from a place that's pure with the best intentions. Being free means having the courage to walk out on a situation that's not good for you with nothing but your self respect. Being free isn't just a state of being, its a state of mind. Once your realize your free, there's nothing that can hold you back.

It's like taking the weight and burden of a 100 men off of your shoulders and finding your own way. So whatever may be troubling you, getting in your way or holding you back from truly being free, let it go. Being free usually involves making a sacrifice, but everything worth having usually does. So count up the cost of freedom and see if it's something you can afford. But just know its a solid investment in your future happiness fund.

Let's get free ya'll....

Until next time folks '...Keep calm and carry on'

Staying Friends with K.I.M. (aka Pay It)

If there is one thing in my life that my mother has taught me, it's how to be resilient. She taught me that regardless of anything life throws at you, you just have to roll with the punches and keep planning your next move. So she introduced me to a tiny woman named K.I.M, otherwise known as Keep It Movin'. Ever since that day me and her have been really good friends; lovers even. I may not have fully appreciated her when I first got her but now we are inseparable. In my adult years, our relationship evolved because she's the only friend you can depend on when life gets tough. There aren't enough hours in the day to make time to feel sorry for yourself if you want to survive in this world. You have to be constantly moving and planning your next course of action, but most importantly being prepared for the bullshit.

Oh, the bullshit. It's bound to pop up every so often to fuck up the situation your in just to see if your on your toes. That could be that unexpected bill, suddenly getting fired, or even a friend/lover/other suddenly irking your nerves. You know the stuff that gets under your skin at the right time to piss you off to the point where you feel like stabbing a bitch. You know what I say to that, pay it!!

That's right, pay it...

That's the phrase I use to get me through life and trust me it helps. Everything that comes with a 'pay it' mentality is peace of mind, clarity, and less stress on your psyche. With a 'pay it' mentality you can make the biggest problem seem insignificant. Just saying it out loud to everything makes you feel better about every situation and it becomes second nature after a while. It just has to because you simply can't care for every little problem that comes your way; you have to pick and choose your battles and your worries carefully.

I don't think you heard me so I'll say it again; PICK AND CHOOSE YOUR WORRIES AND BATTLES WISELY because all of them aren't worth fighting. Sometimes its best just not to argue about any and everything because it's not worth the thought process. Also, when you argue or show any kind of anger towards someone or a situation that pissed you off, you let them win. You let that person or circumstance get to you and throw you off of your train of thought. Which is why you should really meet K.I.M, she treats you good...real good. I bet you 'Pay It' will be your favorite phrase afterward ;)

Until next time folks '...Keep calm and carry on'

Monday, October 4, 2010

Just Say It...

I don't know what it is about you, but I'm really feeling you...

It's something about you that I'm really feeling your style, your swag, and everything about you but I don't know how to say it. Our eyes lock and my heart drops deep in the pit of my stomach because you're just so beautiful. i want to give you the moon, the stars, even the title to my car but I can't even muster a 'hello'. It's been a while since I felt or even allowed myself to feel this way because I been hurt so much in the past I thought I could never love again, but I'm willing to let all of that go for you. I'm willing to be vulnerable for you, I'm willing to testify in court if you need a witness just for you, I'm willing to be the Bonnie to your Clyde if that means we can ride out together for you and only for you...but I can't quite seem to get the words right to say it.

How do you put into words the feeling of someone who makes you feel like you're on cloud 9 every time they walk in the room. That this person's presence makes my life a little more complete by just simply being. This person is the definition of love in every sense of the word, yet I don't even know their name. Do I have the courage to tell this person how I feel? Will this person even feel the same way about me as I do them? Is it even that serious? This is crazy, I'm not supposed to be feeling like this!!! All of these questions, not enough answers...


They say in every journey the first step is always the hardest step to take, but most never take it because fear holds them back. In terms of love and life the first step toward love is making that bold first move to be happy and facing fear or rejection dead in the face. So, if this scenario sounds like you...take steps and make the choice to be happy and go after what you want. The person will never know how you feel unless you say it, and besides the most a person can say is no which only makes room for the right person in your life.

Be bold. Be Happy. F*** fear. Get Yours.

(Disclaimer: that scenario isn't about me or how I'm feeling...at the moment lol)

Until next time folks '...Keep calm and carry on'

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Gaining the World but Losing Everything

Answer this question: If given the choice, would you truly do what you want for a minor pay out and stand up for what you believe you want or be paid handsomely to deliver a message that you don't really believe in?

Most people face this question everyday and choose the latter because compensation trumps integrity in most scenarios. The pursuit of money is a road that most people travel and endure to live a lifestyle that will make them and their families comfortable. But it seems as though most people seem to forget that all money isn't good money, and money never equals happiness. The best way to get to wherever you are going is to do it with sort of pride and with your moral compass set on a positive road. The easy way isn't always the best way, and all that glitters isn't gold. Every opportunity offered to you is a test to see if you deserve what you are asking for. Chances are the instant gratification that you receive when chasing after frivolous things, such as money, aren't really worth the sacrifice you made to get it.

The point when money becomes personified and integrity goes out of the door is the time when you've lost. You are willing to do any and everything to get money you discard the foundation and belief's you've established. The allure and intoxicating smell of money becomes all you worry about. It's like you become a whole different person and change everything about yourself for something that is as fleeting as the seasons.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be wealthy and pursing money to maintain a certain lifestyle, but things get foul when money becomes your only obsession. It's the classic case of absolute power corrupting absolutely; the power of the money you are trying to pursue will make and break you. Giving an inanimate object such as money control over your life will almost always negatively affect you in many facets of your life especially in cases where you sacrifice your 'soul' in doing so. By all means, get your money and be successful; I encourage it but don't lose who you are in the process. So excuse me for using a 'Ronnie Hoe Quote' but "Make the money, don't let the money make you".

Until next time folks '...Keep calm and carry on'

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Laughing to Keep From Crying

Have you ever gotten to a point where something gets you so upset the only thing u can do is crack a smile? I don't mean a smile because your happy or something great was about to happen. But smiling to avoid doing something you would truly regret in the future. Smiling to hold all of your frustrations and anguish in. Smiling to hope maybe you had heard wrong and that person didn't just screw you over, or break your heart, or even mean to make you cry.

Yes my friends, that face, that smile, that action is the exact moment when devastation kicks in. The moment where you have reached a level of piss offed-tivity that you have to laugh or smile to keep from going off the deep end. That moment where if that person was trying to strike a nerve with you they finally found it. And that moment sucks donkey balls. You try with every fiber in your being to do everything right and make everything better but you just can't deal with it any longer. The moment when you have to laugh to keep from crying, you feel like your world has ended, your dog just died, and your parents have been shot. And for one instance you have a sliver of false hope that you might actually be alright if I can just manage to smile.

But the thing is nothing that that person, circumstance, or occurrence can do to you to make u break down completely. The reason for that is because whatever doesn't make you ultimately can't break you and you aren't built to break. You can make it through any situation you get put in and whatever won't kill you will make you stronger. These all sound like cliched sayings but they are ultimately true, and sometimes the hope that things will be ok is all you have to keep you going. So until then...

'...Keep calm and carry on'

If That's What Helps You Sleep At Night

Chances are you are a terrible person. Just admit it yourself you've done or said some things that were so terrible that you can't stand to look yourself in the mirror. I'm not judging I'm just saying, we all do terrible things sometimes but the extent some people go to to rationalize their terrible actions is mind boggling. It seems as though people will concoct any story to justify their terrible actions to make themselves 'not look like the bad guy' in the situation and play the victim.

I found myself doing this on a few occasions doing some terrible things to people and in certain situations. I found every imaginable way to justify my actions being right when they were clearly wrong. I don't know if it was just to make myself feel better about what I've done or to justify my actions but it made me feel better afterward. It was always a certain comfort I felt living in that denial of being terrible in the moment. And besides 'my story was different' and 'no one understood why I did that' or 'they probably deserved it anyway'.

Every excuse in the book to make myself look like I wasn't in the wrong and they brought this on themselves, that is the American way right? Ultimately, all of the delusions and justifications that we convince ourselves are right when they're actually wrong catch up to us when that little thing called a conscious kicks in. Because at the end of the day, right is right and wrong is wrong regardless of what justification of whatever action we choose to accept as the truth. I think the best policy you should adhere to when encountering this scenario is to remember to treat others how you expect to be treated and always be aware of the consequences that may come with each decision. You're not always going to do what's right because not everyone is perfect, but just pick the best solution to where you can stand to look at yourself in the morning and not feel bad about it.


Until next time folks '...Keep calm and carry on'

Monday, September 27, 2010

Being Good vs. Being Great

(Sorry for the delay folks I kinda had a life to live =) But I come back more refreshed and more relaxed and ready to share with the world my thoughts.)

I will never forget the day one of my dear friends, Sakita (follow her on twitter: @MissSuccess; she is truly an inspiration) asked me when describing my future plans 'What do I want to be?' I asked her in what regard was she referring to, and she caught me off guard with the question. She asked, 'In whatever you want to do how do you see yourself as doing it? Do you want to be good at something or do you want to be great?' I really had to think about that because up to that point I had been settling on being 'good' at everything I do. She went on to explain that the way she does things everything has to be 'great' at it. With a name like "Miss Success" you have to be, she has accomplished many amazing feats in her life at the tender age of 23 and I'm truly in awe of her tenacity and spirit. As I sat back and reflected my life and where I wanted to go/what I wanted to do with my life, I really had to evaluate what I was truly striving to be in regards of being 'good' or being 'great'.

Oftentimes in life we have a decision to choose a path that will get us to where we want to be and what will get us by. Most of the time we choose the latter because being 'adequate' is good enough for us in the circumstances we're in. Not saying being 'good' is a bad thing but it isn't necessarily admirable either. Good is like the C+ of life, it's enough to get you by but not enough to be excellent at whatever you do. With a 'good' mentality, just getting by is acceptable. You never rock the boat or even the casba with a 'good' approach to anything. Corny analogies aside, having a 'good' mindset versus a 'great' mindset are world's apart.

I have come to realize that to be truly 'great' you will fail many times before you finally succeed and the reward will be 10 times better. Having a 'great' mindset means going against the grain and not always doing what's popular for the sake of your impending vision. Being 'great' usually coincides with being 'crazy' also because you are trying to make the impossible possible. People will criticize, critique, and even try to tear down what you're doing because it's unfamiliar territory but once it all comes together they will see the light.

To be truly 'great' you have to be a visionary and a leader in whatever realm you choose. Being great means staying that extra hour to get 'it' done. Being great means going that much harder in the gym to get that jump shot all the way right. Being great means taking a chance to be happy. Being great means pushing yourself that extra mile for something you love doing because you genuinely want to do it as opposed to doing it for money. Being truly great means sacrifice. No one has been truly successful without sacrificing much of what they were given for the sake of their vision.

One of my favorite sayings that I have made my daily mantra is 'Do not believe in your sight, but believe in your vision. For your 'sight' shows you what there is and your 'vision' shows you what shall be.' With this mindset and a strong sense of determination, 'great' is always able to be achieved. Now all you have to do is go get it.

Let's be great people!!

Until next folks '...Keep calm and carry on'

Thursday, September 23, 2010

You Just Hatin'!!!

 It seems the world has a misunderstanding of what the word 'hater' is because everyone seems to be spreading around this word like its the flu or something. Anything progressive that someone is trying to accomplish or something that deviates from the norm will always be victim to scrutiny. It's in our nature as humans to want to critique and make an understanding of what we don't know.But where does the fine line between voicing our opinions and simply 'hating' start and end? There are usually some tell tale signs to let you know when you're simply stating your opinion and when you're just being a hater. (People take note and notice if you fall victim to the disease called hate)

If you have ever been to a blog, social networking site, walked down the street looking good, got a promotion on you job, or gotten any kind of 'life' from anyone I'm sure you're gonna feel this post. The warning signs to look out for to let you know you are a 'hater' usually follow the same pattern (sidebar: Picture me saying this in my Steve Irwin 'Animal Hunter' voice). Most haters never deviate from the blueprint because haters aren't clever, they just rehash the same ignorant comments to try and diminish your shine. An example of a few 'hatin' statements would be:

1. 'Yeah he/she (insert quality here) BUT...' (If a person is doing /looking good they are just doing well, everything after that 'but' is pure hate)
2. 'They're doing well but I bet you it won't last long?' (that's a classic line from a person hating from the bottom looking up)
3. 'I bet you if they didn't have (insert quality here) that they wouldn't be all that' (But the person does 'hater' so deal with it and kill yourself)
4. 'I can't wait til this person's run is up' ('Hater' are you still waiting? get a snickers)
5. 'They ain't all that/ Who do they think they are?' (This is the hatin ass line that started it all and will forever go down as legend)

I'm sure you've heard or even used a couple of these line before. Don't worry we all do it at one point or another in life but the trick is to not let this hate consume your life. Instead of trying to be destructive when critiquing someone and their actions, construct positive thoughts and see how your outlook on life changes. Try to look for something positive on someone or something before you try to find something negative. If you provide the balance of the good and the bad instead of the overwhelming bad qualities your message will be more received. Besides, bringing one person or thing down won't bring you any higher or closer to where you wanna be. We're all just trying to survive and be the best person or organization we all can be, so let's try to uplift before we cause a deep rift. (I was looking for a Jesse Jackson rhyme, and I racked my brain for 10 minutes for that last line lol)

Until next time folks '....Keep calm and carry on'

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Paying It Forward

I was having a discussion with a man that I have really grown to respect today and he shared something with me that really hit home with me. The man was my barber and he was talking to me about being genuine and giving of yourself without expecting anything in return. I was discussing with him a few of the hardships that I had been going through lately, you know with being a recent college graduate. One of the many things that we discussed was not being afraid to ask people to help you along your way for favors and the act of kindness.

The two were correlated in a major way as of late because these were some of the two issues that I have been battling myself about. I had always grown up trying to solve my own problems and make my own way without trying to 'mooch' off of others. The type of household I grew up in is a story that most can relate to now a days, with a single parent household and a absent/little to non participatory other parent who you can never seem to depend on. And from that parent you learn to never ask anybody for anything because in the end people will let you down.

On the flip side of that there are people who will loan you things or help you out only to expect something in return. Which devalues the very nature of what they were giving you in the first place, so you kind of just learn to do without and not really value too much of what others have to offer. A very lonely way to live but it's all that I know and have become accustomed to today.

Then something happened...

My barber offered me the slightest favor with the most genuine sincerity and it felt weird to accept. He gave me my haircut for free and refused to take my money. He went on to say "I see kids like you who are doing progressively positive things anyway I can help be a part of that would be an honor of mine, because if we can't help our own people out then won't ever get anywhere." Those words stuck with me for a few hours afterward because it had been such a long time since I had experienced such a genuine act of kindness that it came as a shock.

I grew to believe over the past couple of years that people had become so self indulged that no genuine actions existed anymore. And with one foul swoop that notion had went away and brightened my outlook on people. If that one person can impact a life in such a great way with one kind gesture why can't we all take time to give a damn to do someone genuinely happy by doing a favor and expecting nothing in return? I challenge everyone who reads this to make one selfless act a part of their day and see how much of an impact it has on others.

Until next time folks '...Keep calm and carry on'

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Sabotage

Here's the scenario: someone walks up to you and they look good but there's something about them that kinda turns you off. You can't quite put your finger on it but something's bugging you about them. Maybe they have kids? Do they have any debt?  Maybe they're credit's messed up? Girlfriend/boyfriend on the side? Is he/she cheap? Are they gay?!?!?

Stop...

Are you this person? The one who goes through every possible scenario of a person trying to talk to you the moment they walk up to you? Do you try to find everything wrong with a person before they even say hello? Well don't worry, surprisingly you're not alone. I am in that club also where I play a relationship out in my head before it happens, and the only person I'm hurting is myself.

I find myself setting up such great expectations for a person to come into my life that I don't allow any margin for error in a potential mate. And that's just not fair to a potential date because they don't know that they already failed a test they didn't know they were taking. The problem is most of the time I have an ideal of what I want in a relationship. It would be  the picture of a perfect romance and any deviation from that plan is an instant fail. So I look for things to be wrong with this person or find an excuse for me not to get too close to someone who may be different from what I'm looking for. All the while never considering this person may be what I NEED instead of what I WANT. And on top of that, I want them to love me just for who I am with no questions asked.What the hell am I thinking? And who's to say that it's even going to be that deep with this person? (Deep sigh...release) Sometimes you just got to learn to things 'be' sometimes and not set yourself up or the one that may be interested in you up for failure.

Maybe I just need to get out of my own head and stop being so overly analytical of everything. Do ya'll agree?

It seems as though, most of the time we want someone to love us with unconditional love but we give our love out with many conditions. I've come to realize you can't ask someone to love you for you if u put a limit on who you love. If you have expectations for who and what your looking for in a person and won't leave any 'wiggle room' that person to have an error you will forever be lonely. And if you're searching for someone with no flaws, you might as well build yourself a partner cuz it ain't happening.

All of this is to say, don't set parameters on the ones who may want to love you. They may not be everything that you're looking for but they might give you enough to where you can be happy.

Until next time folks '...Keep calm and carry on'

Monday, September 20, 2010

Damned If I Do, Damned If I Don't

Is there ever a right time to ever tell someone something bad that you might know about a friend's relationship? Or is it best to leave the situation alone and let those two handle their own business?

On the one hand, there's a certain loyalty that you have to your friend and their welfare regardless of whatever situation may be and the circumstances that arise. For example, I was watching a report on ABC on when a friend caught their friend's boyfriend cheating on their friend, in a candid camera type of scenario. The question was raised on whether you would tell your friend or would you let them eventually figure it out on their own and I found myself in a quandary. Does it make you a bad person for not telling your friend that the infidelity is going on and you knew about it but didn't say anything about it?

A popular saying that I keep hearing about that particular situation is "stay out of grown folks business" and I tend to agree with that notion, but that's my friend. I'm not talking about an 'associate' but a true friend. Someone I would consider closest to me or that I even bother to care for their well being. In my opinion, my first instinct is to tell that person what I know. POINT BLANK PERIOD.  But then I sit back and analyze the situation because I may not know the whole story and everything that may be going on in their relationship or even at thst table. Also, you can't assume that by telling this person what you know they are going to respond positively. They may just turn on you for saying it and jumping in their business.

On the flip side, let's just say you didn't say anything about the possible cheating scandal and your friend finds out that you may have known something. They get mad at you and accuse you of not being a real friend "because you should have told me". Does the person still have a valid argument? Can they really get mad at you for not intruding? It's all so tricky the rules to friendship...

Sigh...

The least I can say is that I think it all depends on the level of friendship that you have with the friend in question. If your bond with someone is strong enough to where you feel they need to know regardless of how they feel for you afterward (best friend, sibling, cousin etc.) then the best policy would be just to tell them what you saw and not make any accusations if you don't know the whole story. But If the same scenario happens with a friend where your bond is not that tight and it could compromise the friendship in the future, then it would probably be best not to tell them and let them handle it on their own.


Just make sure you know the difference between a 'friend' and an 'associate'....

Until next time folks '...Keep Calm and Carry On'

Friday, September 17, 2010

Now Thats It's Over Where Do We Go From Here?

You know, I really wish there was a manual on how to deal with relationships and the aftermath of a failed one. It would make things so much easier, but unfortunately after all the love, passion, and shared moments are over there isn't a pamphlet to show you how to deal with it. Should I hate you afterward? Can we still be friends? Am I supposed to be sad? Was this for the best? And ultimately, what happens when I see you with the next date!!!

Post-relationship rules may actually be harder than being in the relationship. People have millions of theories on how they should act while in a relationship but not too much is said about the post break-up rules.

For example, me and one of the people I have dated before have the best relationship we have ever had now that we're not together. I really consider them one of my best friends even to this day, and we even have talks about their new relationship all the time and I can honestly say I can give an objective opinion about it with no malice. I love em with all of my heart but I'm honestly not in love with this person anymore. It even went so far as to me meeting that person's new 'friend' and we've been cordial to each other also. Some people look at me weird when I say this sometimes too. Was I supposed to be mad? Was I supposed to be bitter towards the new person because they have something I had before? Nope, and I refused to be that type of way also. I think we're all adults and can handle that type of relationship accordingly. Besides, the relationship that they have is for them the one that we had is for us.

I have friends who have told me, 'I would never be able to do that, it would hurt too much' or 'I would just die if I had that situation' and I can understand why. I think there is a feeling of what did this person do right that I didn't do to make this work going through that person's mind to make them feel insecure. An even better assumption is that their relationship didn't end on a good note and they're not quiet over it just yet. Which my friends is the key answer to this equation.

Is it safe to say that initially when you break up with someone that you truly are over it or will there always be some residual feelings there? Can you ever truly just be friends with an ex? Or is it best for you to just go your separate ways and never speak to each other again? Whatever your decision may be just have the strength and maturity to deal with whatever consequence that comes with it. I really wish I could give you an answer what would be the best solution would be, but like most of the answers in life they're specifically made for you. What works for me will most likely only work for me, but what I can say is just know that loving yourself means more than losing any one else. POW!!! There's your happy ending =)

Until next time folks '...Keep Calm and Carry On'

Thursday, September 16, 2010

When Keepin It Real Goes Wrong

While searching for a topic for today, I came to a blank to be honest. But then it hit me like a bag of boulders...what happens when you're really honest with someone. I like to believe that I am too honest with people about everything and that's why when I say things to people they think I'm crazy or just rude. How many times have you heard 'I would just appreciate it if this person was honest with me?' and when you are honest with them they get mad? I just don't get it, you asked me to be honest with you but when I tell you the truth you can't handle it.

I think the better way to phrase that sentence that everyone asks is 'I wish you would just tell the truth...as long as it's good news', and that my friends is where people get the game fucked up. You can't ask someone to be completely honest with you if you can't handle the WHOLE truth. If you had the nerve to ask your boyfriend/girlfriend if they were cheating on you, you should be prepared for whatever answer they may give you. If you ask your boss how your performance was today and they tell you it was piss poor don't get mad at them because YOU ASKED!!

I live by the law of 'If you ask me a question or for my opinion be prepared for the real answer every time'; it's the only way to live IMO. The world would function so much better if people lived by this too, but unfortunately the world doesn't operate in this manner. Douches....I kid I kid =) There are certain scenario's where 'massaging the truth' helps you in certain instances but more times often than not being straight up with someone is usually the best route to take. Besides people who only need 'yes men' and to live in a Disney world where everyone thinks everything you do is great or you're never wrong are delusional and will have a downfall very shortly. I guess it is true what they say, honesty really is the best policy.

Until next time folks '...Keep Calm and Carry On'

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Team Darkskin vs Team Lightskin

Is this 2010? Because the color complex that most people have in this day and age makes me believe we are still in the civil rights era. Matter of fact I think its even worse than then because we have 'come so far in race relations' that it shouldn't matter right?

Wrong...

The color complex that black people have in America is frightening because its coming from our own people!! The same people that we fought with for rights to be equal. The same people whose ancestors were being raped and pillaged. The same people who at the end of the day still can't get a loan because regardless of how many times you pass the paper bag test will never come out of the 'high risk factor' category.

So why are we continually segregating ourselves even further in society by demeaning the color of our skin. Who's to say that being dark skinned is ugly? Who's to say that being light skinned means you're cute? Trust me there are people who I have met who are the contrary in both cases. Besides if you're ugly your just ugly, and if you're cute there's no denying your cuteness.

The purpose of this post isn't to bring anybody down or elevate any one 'team' over the other. The point is to open up your minds to the beauty in all complexions and bring to light the game that is being played on you while your fighting for your respective 'team'. There is nothing that irritates me more than when someone says 'you're cute for a dark skinned boy/girl' or 'I don't have to worry about anything I'm light skinned'. What kind of tomfoolery is that? The last time I checked we're all running this rat race in life together, nothing makes you exempt. Even if you get a 'pass' for being safe and light skinned you will be brought back to reality when shit hits the fan because at the end of the day you are still black in America.

That's the point most people seem to forget is that no matter the hue of your skin, you are still black in America. Because of that we are always being plotted against and conditioned to keep ourselves in-fighting so we can never achieve our potential greatness. White people and other races don't have to do anything to keep us down because we do it for them. We do it by killing each other, we do it by not supporting one another, and we do it by perpetuating and maintaining ignorant stereotypes and beliefs of superiority amongst one another in the community.

I feel like I'm getting too preachy so I'll just end with this, you can be team dark skinned or team light skinned all you want I'm not here to tell you how to live. But the reflection of your character and the strength of our people carries more power than any pigment of skin...recognize that power

Team Unity

Until next time folks '...Keep Calm and Carry On'.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

...But They're Cute Though!!!

Raise your hand if you have ever said that looks don't matter or play a factor into who you pick as a potential mate? All of you that raised your hands...you're lying. You're lying to yourself and your lying about your expectations. Point, blank, period. Even in the most un-shallow circumstances the way the person looks or dresses plays a factor into how much we are attracted to them. I have heard stories from friends and even by my own accords of people who have made being cute or looking cute together a priority for the foundation of their relationship. Shaky foundation to start it on but hey read my subtext (this is me...stripped lol).

Currently, me and a group of my friends have a grading scale (HEY YA'LL!!! had to get ghetto for a second) and it deems how much and how far we would go with a person based on their overall look and potential, which goes as follows:

1- 'I wouldn't touch you with a 10 ft pole'
2- 'Maybe on a 'drunk night'
3- 'Yeah I'd do you'
4- 'I need to date you...like NOW'
5- 'WHATEVER you got I caught/Can I live with this disease?'

Graphic but true...I always envision a '5' being the Halle Berry/Stacey Dash types for the guys (or girls) or a Boris Kodjoe/Idris Elba type for the girls (or guys...how you doin'?) The only song I can hear going through my head while looking at a '5' is Mya 'Why You Gotta Look So Good?' But I digress....

As I really sat down and thought about this grading scale we have incorporated into our everyday lives, it got me to thinking about the emphasis on looks we put on others when searching for a relationship. In my opinion, it plays a major factor on how you are initially attracted to a person but shouldn't be the foundation of what your relationship is all about. The cuteness factor and sex are such shallow things to base a relationship off of but we often do it to fulfill our fantasy of what the perfect partner might be. Oftentimes, when we look for that particular '5' we end up sacrificing much of what we believe or truly want to be with that person who 'looks too good to pass up'.

I have had friends literally say 'I don't usually do this but did you see him/her? she/he is bad!!!' And as much as I hate to admit it, I have done it too. Trying to make things work when I know they weren't meant to be but they looked so good I had to make it happen because 'we look so good together'.

In my defense I (kind of) grew out of that, I still have my moments but I learned a valuable lesson while in pursuit of that '5'. I learned that shaky foundations built on shallow grounds will always crumble. Also, loving yourself has to mean more than losing that person because all you have is you at the end of the day. And last but not least, being cute needs to be a plus not a priority. So in the mean time, I think i'll be happy with a nice '3' or '4' that treats me well and makes me happy.

Until next time folks '....Keep Calm and Carry On'