Answer this question: If given the choice, would you truly do what you want for a minor pay out and stand up for what you believe you want or be paid handsomely to deliver a message that you don't really believe in?
Most people face this question everyday and choose the latter because compensation trumps integrity in most scenarios. The pursuit of money is a road that most people travel and endure to live a lifestyle that will make them and their families comfortable. But it seems as though most people seem to forget that all money isn't good money, and money never equals happiness. The best way to get to wherever you are going is to do it with sort of pride and with your moral compass set on a positive road. The easy way isn't always the best way, and all that glitters isn't gold. Every opportunity offered to you is a test to see if you deserve what you are asking for. Chances are the instant gratification that you receive when chasing after frivolous things, such as money, aren't really worth the sacrifice you made to get it.
The point when money becomes personified and integrity goes out of the door is the time when you've lost. You are willing to do any and everything to get money you discard the foundation and belief's you've established. The allure and intoxicating smell of money becomes all you worry about. It's like you become a whole different person and change everything about yourself for something that is as fleeting as the seasons.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to be wealthy and pursing money to maintain a certain lifestyle, but things get foul when money becomes your only obsession. It's the classic case of absolute power corrupting absolutely; the power of the money you are trying to pursue will make and break you. Giving an inanimate object such as money control over your life will almost always negatively affect you in many facets of your life especially in cases where you sacrifice your 'soul' in doing so. By all means, get your money and be successful; I encourage it but don't lose who you are in the process. So excuse me for using a 'Ronnie Hoe Quote' but "Make the money, don't let the money make you".
Until next time folks '...Keep calm and carry on'
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Laughing to Keep From Crying
Have you ever gotten to a point where something gets you so upset the only thing u can do is crack a smile? I don't mean a smile because your happy or something great was about to happen. But smiling to avoid doing something you would truly regret in the future. Smiling to hold all of your frustrations and anguish in. Smiling to hope maybe you had heard wrong and that person didn't just screw you over, or break your heart, or even mean to make you cry.
Yes my friends, that face, that smile, that action is the exact moment when devastation kicks in. The moment where you have reached a level of piss offed-tivity that you have to laugh or smile to keep from going off the deep end. That moment where if that person was trying to strike a nerve with you they finally found it. And that moment sucks donkey balls. You try with every fiber in your being to do everything right and make everything better but you just can't deal with it any longer. The moment when you have to laugh to keep from crying, you feel like your world has ended, your dog just died, and your parents have been shot. And for one instance you have a sliver of false hope that you might actually be alright if I can just manage to smile.
But the thing is nothing that that person, circumstance, or occurrence can do to you to make u break down completely. The reason for that is because whatever doesn't make you ultimately can't break you and you aren't built to break. You can make it through any situation you get put in and whatever won't kill you will make you stronger. These all sound like cliched sayings but they are ultimately true, and sometimes the hope that things will be ok is all you have to keep you going. So until then...
'...Keep calm and carry on'
Yes my friends, that face, that smile, that action is the exact moment when devastation kicks in. The moment where you have reached a level of piss offed-tivity that you have to laugh or smile to keep from going off the deep end. That moment where if that person was trying to strike a nerve with you they finally found it. And that moment sucks donkey balls. You try with every fiber in your being to do everything right and make everything better but you just can't deal with it any longer. The moment when you have to laugh to keep from crying, you feel like your world has ended, your dog just died, and your parents have been shot. And for one instance you have a sliver of false hope that you might actually be alright if I can just manage to smile.
But the thing is nothing that that person, circumstance, or occurrence can do to you to make u break down completely. The reason for that is because whatever doesn't make you ultimately can't break you and you aren't built to break. You can make it through any situation you get put in and whatever won't kill you will make you stronger. These all sound like cliched sayings but they are ultimately true, and sometimes the hope that things will be ok is all you have to keep you going. So until then...
'...Keep calm and carry on'
If That's What Helps You Sleep At Night
Chances are you are a terrible person. Just admit it yourself you've done or said some things that were so terrible that you can't stand to look yourself in the mirror. I'm not judging I'm just saying, we all do terrible things sometimes but the extent some people go to to rationalize their terrible actions is mind boggling. It seems as though people will concoct any story to justify their terrible actions to make themselves 'not look like the bad guy' in the situation and play the victim.
I found myself doing this on a few occasions doing some terrible things to people and in certain situations. I found every imaginable way to justify my actions being right when they were clearly wrong. I don't know if it was just to make myself feel better about what I've done or to justify my actions but it made me feel better afterward. It was always a certain comfort I felt living in that denial of being terrible in the moment. And besides 'my story was different' and 'no one understood why I did that' or 'they probably deserved it anyway'.
Every excuse in the book to make myself look like I wasn't in the wrong and they brought this on themselves, that is the American way right? Ultimately, all of the delusions and justifications that we convince ourselves are right when they're actually wrong catch up to us when that little thing called a conscious kicks in. Because at the end of the day, right is right and wrong is wrong regardless of what justification of whatever action we choose to accept as the truth. I think the best policy you should adhere to when encountering this scenario is to remember to treat others how you expect to be treated and always be aware of the consequences that may come with each decision. You're not always going to do what's right because not everyone is perfect, but just pick the best solution to where you can stand to look at yourself in the morning and not feel bad about it.
Until next time folks '...Keep calm and carry on'
I found myself doing this on a few occasions doing some terrible things to people and in certain situations. I found every imaginable way to justify my actions being right when they were clearly wrong. I don't know if it was just to make myself feel better about what I've done or to justify my actions but it made me feel better afterward. It was always a certain comfort I felt living in that denial of being terrible in the moment. And besides 'my story was different' and 'no one understood why I did that' or 'they probably deserved it anyway'.
Every excuse in the book to make myself look like I wasn't in the wrong and they brought this on themselves, that is the American way right? Ultimately, all of the delusions and justifications that we convince ourselves are right when they're actually wrong catch up to us when that little thing called a conscious kicks in. Because at the end of the day, right is right and wrong is wrong regardless of what justification of whatever action we choose to accept as the truth. I think the best policy you should adhere to when encountering this scenario is to remember to treat others how you expect to be treated and always be aware of the consequences that may come with each decision. You're not always going to do what's right because not everyone is perfect, but just pick the best solution to where you can stand to look at yourself in the morning and not feel bad about it.
Until next time folks '...Keep calm and carry on'
Monday, September 27, 2010
Being Good vs. Being Great
(Sorry for the delay folks I kinda had a life to live =) But I come back more refreshed and more relaxed and ready to share with the world my thoughts.)
I will never forget the day one of my dear friends, Sakita (follow her on twitter: @MissSuccess; she is truly an inspiration) asked me when describing my future plans 'What do I want to be?' I asked her in what regard was she referring to, and she caught me off guard with the question. She asked, 'In whatever you want to do how do you see yourself as doing it? Do you want to be good at something or do you want to be great?' I really had to think about that because up to that point I had been settling on being 'good' at everything I do. She went on to explain that the way she does things everything has to be 'great' at it. With a name like "Miss Success" you have to be, she has accomplished many amazing feats in her life at the tender age of 23 and I'm truly in awe of her tenacity and spirit. As I sat back and reflected my life and where I wanted to go/what I wanted to do with my life, I really had to evaluate what I was truly striving to be in regards of being 'good' or being 'great'.
Oftentimes in life we have a decision to choose a path that will get us to where we want to be and what will get us by. Most of the time we choose the latter because being 'adequate' is good enough for us in the circumstances we're in. Not saying being 'good' is a bad thing but it isn't necessarily admirable either. Good is like the C+ of life, it's enough to get you by but not enough to be excellent at whatever you do. With a 'good' mentality, just getting by is acceptable. You never rock the boat or even the casba with a 'good' approach to anything. Corny analogies aside, having a 'good' mindset versus a 'great' mindset are world's apart.
I have come to realize that to be truly 'great' you will fail many times before you finally succeed and the reward will be 10 times better. Having a 'great' mindset means going against the grain and not always doing what's popular for the sake of your impending vision. Being 'great' usually coincides with being 'crazy' also because you are trying to make the impossible possible. People will criticize, critique, and even try to tear down what you're doing because it's unfamiliar territory but once it all comes together they will see the light.
To be truly 'great' you have to be a visionary and a leader in whatever realm you choose. Being great means staying that extra hour to get 'it' done. Being great means going that much harder in the gym to get that jump shot all the way right. Being great means taking a chance to be happy. Being great means pushing yourself that extra mile for something you love doing because you genuinely want to do it as opposed to doing it for money. Being truly great means sacrifice. No one has been truly successful without sacrificing much of what they were given for the sake of their vision.
One of my favorite sayings that I have made my daily mantra is 'Do not believe in your sight, but believe in your vision. For your 'sight' shows you what there is and your 'vision' shows you what shall be.' With this mindset and a strong sense of determination, 'great' is always able to be achieved. Now all you have to do is go get it.
Let's be great people!!
Until next folks '...Keep calm and carry on'
I will never forget the day one of my dear friends, Sakita (follow her on twitter: @MissSuccess; she is truly an inspiration) asked me when describing my future plans 'What do I want to be?' I asked her in what regard was she referring to, and she caught me off guard with the question. She asked, 'In whatever you want to do how do you see yourself as doing it? Do you want to be good at something or do you want to be great?' I really had to think about that because up to that point I had been settling on being 'good' at everything I do. She went on to explain that the way she does things everything has to be 'great' at it. With a name like "Miss Success" you have to be, she has accomplished many amazing feats in her life at the tender age of 23 and I'm truly in awe of her tenacity and spirit. As I sat back and reflected my life and where I wanted to go/what I wanted to do with my life, I really had to evaluate what I was truly striving to be in regards of being 'good' or being 'great'.
Oftentimes in life we have a decision to choose a path that will get us to where we want to be and what will get us by. Most of the time we choose the latter because being 'adequate' is good enough for us in the circumstances we're in. Not saying being 'good' is a bad thing but it isn't necessarily admirable either. Good is like the C+ of life, it's enough to get you by but not enough to be excellent at whatever you do. With a 'good' mentality, just getting by is acceptable. You never rock the boat or even the casba with a 'good' approach to anything. Corny analogies aside, having a 'good' mindset versus a 'great' mindset are world's apart.
I have come to realize that to be truly 'great' you will fail many times before you finally succeed and the reward will be 10 times better. Having a 'great' mindset means going against the grain and not always doing what's popular for the sake of your impending vision. Being 'great' usually coincides with being 'crazy' also because you are trying to make the impossible possible. People will criticize, critique, and even try to tear down what you're doing because it's unfamiliar territory but once it all comes together they will see the light.
To be truly 'great' you have to be a visionary and a leader in whatever realm you choose. Being great means staying that extra hour to get 'it' done. Being great means going that much harder in the gym to get that jump shot all the way right. Being great means taking a chance to be happy. Being great means pushing yourself that extra mile for something you love doing because you genuinely want to do it as opposed to doing it for money. Being truly great means sacrifice. No one has been truly successful without sacrificing much of what they were given for the sake of their vision.
One of my favorite sayings that I have made my daily mantra is 'Do not believe in your sight, but believe in your vision. For your 'sight' shows you what there is and your 'vision' shows you what shall be.' With this mindset and a strong sense of determination, 'great' is always able to be achieved. Now all you have to do is go get it.
Let's be great people!!
Until next folks '...Keep calm and carry on'
Thursday, September 23, 2010
You Just Hatin'!!!
It seems the world has a misunderstanding of what the word 'hater' is because everyone seems to be spreading around this word like its the flu or something. Anything progressive that someone is trying to accomplish or something that deviates from the norm will always be victim to scrutiny. It's in our nature as humans to want to critique and make an understanding of what we don't know.But where does the fine line between voicing our opinions and simply 'hating' start and end? There are usually some tell tale signs to let you know when you're simply stating your opinion and when you're just being a hater. (People take note and notice if you fall victim to the disease called hate)
If you have ever been to a blog, social networking site, walked down the street looking good, got a promotion on you job, or gotten any kind of 'life' from anyone I'm sure you're gonna feel this post. The warning signs to look out for to let you know you are a 'hater' usually follow the same pattern (sidebar: Picture me saying this in my Steve Irwin 'Animal Hunter' voice). Most haters never deviate from the blueprint because haters aren't clever, they just rehash the same ignorant comments to try and diminish your shine. An example of a few 'hatin' statements would be:
1. 'Yeah he/she (insert quality here) BUT...' (If a person is doing /looking good they are just doing well, everything after that 'but' is pure hate)
2. 'They're doing well but I bet you it won't last long?' (that's a classic line from a person hating from the bottom looking up)
3. 'I bet you if they didn't have (insert quality here) that they wouldn't be all that' (But the person does 'hater' so deal with it and kill yourself)
4. 'I can't wait til this person's run is up' ('Hater' are you still waiting? get a snickers)
5. 'They ain't all that/ Who do they think they are?' (This is the hatin ass line that started it all and will forever go down as legend)
I'm sure you've heard or even used a couple of these line before. Don't worry we all do it at one point or another in life but the trick is to not let this hate consume your life. Instead of trying to be destructive when critiquing someone and their actions, construct positive thoughts and see how your outlook on life changes. Try to look for something positive on someone or something before you try to find something negative. If you provide the balance of the good and the bad instead of the overwhelming bad qualities your message will be more received. Besides, bringing one person or thing down won't bring you any higher or closer to where you wanna be. We're all just trying to survive and be the best person or organization we all can be, so let's try to uplift before we cause a deep rift. (I was looking for a Jesse Jackson rhyme, and I racked my brain for 10 minutes for that last line lol)
Until next time folks '....Keep calm and carry on'
If you have ever been to a blog, social networking site, walked down the street looking good, got a promotion on you job, or gotten any kind of 'life' from anyone I'm sure you're gonna feel this post. The warning signs to look out for to let you know you are a 'hater' usually follow the same pattern (sidebar: Picture me saying this in my Steve Irwin 'Animal Hunter' voice). Most haters never deviate from the blueprint because haters aren't clever, they just rehash the same ignorant comments to try and diminish your shine. An example of a few 'hatin' statements would be:
1. 'Yeah he/she (insert quality here) BUT...' (If a person is doing /looking good they are just doing well, everything after that 'but' is pure hate)
2. 'They're doing well but I bet you it won't last long?' (that's a classic line from a person hating from the bottom looking up)
3. 'I bet you if they didn't have (insert quality here) that they wouldn't be all that' (But the person does 'hater' so deal with it and kill yourself)
4. 'I can't wait til this person's run is up' ('Hater' are you still waiting? get a snickers)
5. 'They ain't all that/ Who do they think they are?' (This is the hatin ass line that started it all and will forever go down as legend)
I'm sure you've heard or even used a couple of these line before. Don't worry we all do it at one point or another in life but the trick is to not let this hate consume your life. Instead of trying to be destructive when critiquing someone and their actions, construct positive thoughts and see how your outlook on life changes. Try to look for something positive on someone or something before you try to find something negative. If you provide the balance of the good and the bad instead of the overwhelming bad qualities your message will be more received. Besides, bringing one person or thing down won't bring you any higher or closer to where you wanna be. We're all just trying to survive and be the best person or organization we all can be, so let's try to uplift before we cause a deep rift. (I was looking for a Jesse Jackson rhyme, and I racked my brain for 10 minutes for that last line lol)
Until next time folks '....Keep calm and carry on'
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Paying It Forward
I was having a discussion with a man that I have really grown to respect today and he shared something with me that really hit home with me. The man was my barber and he was talking to me about being genuine and giving of yourself without expecting anything in return. I was discussing with him a few of the hardships that I had been going through lately, you know with being a recent college graduate. One of the many things that we discussed was not being afraid to ask people to help you along your way for favors and the act of kindness.
The two were correlated in a major way as of late because these were some of the two issues that I have been battling myself about. I had always grown up trying to solve my own problems and make my own way without trying to 'mooch' off of others. The type of household I grew up in is a story that most can relate to now a days, with a single parent household and a absent/little to non participatory other parent who you can never seem to depend on. And from that parent you learn to never ask anybody for anything because in the end people will let you down.
On the flip side of that there are people who will loan you things or help you out only to expect something in return. Which devalues the very nature of what they were giving you in the first place, so you kind of just learn to do without and not really value too much of what others have to offer. A very lonely way to live but it's all that I know and have become accustomed to today.
Then something happened...
My barber offered me the slightest favor with the most genuine sincerity and it felt weird to accept. He gave me my haircut for free and refused to take my money. He went on to say "I see kids like you who are doing progressively positive things anyway I can help be a part of that would be an honor of mine, because if we can't help our own people out then won't ever get anywhere." Those words stuck with me for a few hours afterward because it had been such a long time since I had experienced such a genuine act of kindness that it came as a shock.
I grew to believe over the past couple of years that people had become so self indulged that no genuine actions existed anymore. And with one foul swoop that notion had went away and brightened my outlook on people. If that one person can impact a life in such a great way with one kind gesture why can't we all take time to give a damn to do someone genuinely happy by doing a favor and expecting nothing in return? I challenge everyone who reads this to make one selfless act a part of their day and see how much of an impact it has on others.
Until next time folks '...Keep calm and carry on'
The two were correlated in a major way as of late because these were some of the two issues that I have been battling myself about. I had always grown up trying to solve my own problems and make my own way without trying to 'mooch' off of others. The type of household I grew up in is a story that most can relate to now a days, with a single parent household and a absent/little to non participatory other parent who you can never seem to depend on. And from that parent you learn to never ask anybody for anything because in the end people will let you down.
On the flip side of that there are people who will loan you things or help you out only to expect something in return. Which devalues the very nature of what they were giving you in the first place, so you kind of just learn to do without and not really value too much of what others have to offer. A very lonely way to live but it's all that I know and have become accustomed to today.
Then something happened...
My barber offered me the slightest favor with the most genuine sincerity and it felt weird to accept. He gave me my haircut for free and refused to take my money. He went on to say "I see kids like you who are doing progressively positive things anyway I can help be a part of that would be an honor of mine, because if we can't help our own people out then won't ever get anywhere." Those words stuck with me for a few hours afterward because it had been such a long time since I had experienced such a genuine act of kindness that it came as a shock.
I grew to believe over the past couple of years that people had become so self indulged that no genuine actions existed anymore. And with one foul swoop that notion had went away and brightened my outlook on people. If that one person can impact a life in such a great way with one kind gesture why can't we all take time to give a damn to do someone genuinely happy by doing a favor and expecting nothing in return? I challenge everyone who reads this to make one selfless act a part of their day and see how much of an impact it has on others.
Until next time folks '...Keep calm and carry on'
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Sabotage
Here's the scenario: someone walks up to you and they look good but there's something about them that kinda turns you off. You can't quite put your finger on it but something's bugging you about them. Maybe they have kids? Do they have any debt? Maybe they're credit's messed up? Girlfriend/boyfriend on the side? Is he/she cheap? Are they gay?!?!?
Stop...
Are you this person? The one who goes through every possible scenario of a person trying to talk to you the moment they walk up to you? Do you try to find everything wrong with a person before they even say hello? Well don't worry, surprisingly you're not alone. I am in that club also where I play a relationship out in my head before it happens, and the only person I'm hurting is myself.
I find myself setting up such great expectations for a person to come into my life that I don't allow any margin for error in a potential mate. And that's just not fair to a potential date because they don't know that they already failed a test they didn't know they were taking. The problem is most of the time I have an ideal of what I want in a relationship. It would be the picture of a perfect romance and any deviation from that plan is an instant fail. So I look for things to be wrong with this person or find an excuse for me not to get too close to someone who may be different from what I'm looking for. All the while never considering this person may be what I NEED instead of what I WANT. And on top of that, I want them to love me just for who I am with no questions asked.What the hell am I thinking? And who's to say that it's even going to be that deep with this person? (Deep sigh...release) Sometimes you just got to learn to things 'be' sometimes and not set yourself up or the one that may be interested in you up for failure.
Maybe I just need to get out of my own head and stop being so overly analytical of everything. Do ya'll agree?
It seems as though, most of the time we want someone to love us with unconditional love but we give our love out with many conditions. I've come to realize you can't ask someone to love you for you if u put a limit on who you love. If you have expectations for who and what your looking for in a person and won't leave any 'wiggle room' that person to have an error you will forever be lonely. And if you're searching for someone with no flaws, you might as well build yourself a partner cuz it ain't happening.
All of this is to say, don't set parameters on the ones who may want to love you. They may not be everything that you're looking for but they might give you enough to where you can be happy.
Until next time folks '...Keep calm and carry on'
Stop...
Are you this person? The one who goes through every possible scenario of a person trying to talk to you the moment they walk up to you? Do you try to find everything wrong with a person before they even say hello? Well don't worry, surprisingly you're not alone. I am in that club also where I play a relationship out in my head before it happens, and the only person I'm hurting is myself.
I find myself setting up such great expectations for a person to come into my life that I don't allow any margin for error in a potential mate. And that's just not fair to a potential date because they don't know that they already failed a test they didn't know they were taking. The problem is most of the time I have an ideal of what I want in a relationship. It would be the picture of a perfect romance and any deviation from that plan is an instant fail. So I look for things to be wrong with this person or find an excuse for me not to get too close to someone who may be different from what I'm looking for. All the while never considering this person may be what I NEED instead of what I WANT. And on top of that, I want them to love me just for who I am with no questions asked.What the hell am I thinking? And who's to say that it's even going to be that deep with this person? (Deep sigh...release) Sometimes you just got to learn to things 'be' sometimes and not set yourself up or the one that may be interested in you up for failure.
Maybe I just need to get out of my own head and stop being so overly analytical of everything. Do ya'll agree?
It seems as though, most of the time we want someone to love us with unconditional love but we give our love out with many conditions. I've come to realize you can't ask someone to love you for you if u put a limit on who you love. If you have expectations for who and what your looking for in a person and won't leave any 'wiggle room' that person to have an error you will forever be lonely. And if you're searching for someone with no flaws, you might as well build yourself a partner cuz it ain't happening.
All of this is to say, don't set parameters on the ones who may want to love you. They may not be everything that you're looking for but they might give you enough to where you can be happy.
Until next time folks '...Keep calm and carry on'
Monday, September 20, 2010
Damned If I Do, Damned If I Don't
Is there ever a right time to ever tell someone something bad that you might know about a friend's relationship? Or is it best to leave the situation alone and let those two handle their own business?
On the one hand, there's a certain loyalty that you have to your friend and their welfare regardless of whatever situation may be and the circumstances that arise. For example, I was watching a report on ABC on when a friend caught their friend's boyfriend cheating on their friend, in a candid camera type of scenario. The question was raised on whether you would tell your friend or would you let them eventually figure it out on their own and I found myself in a quandary. Does it make you a bad person for not telling your friend that the infidelity is going on and you knew about it but didn't say anything about it?
A popular saying that I keep hearing about that particular situation is "stay out of grown folks business" and I tend to agree with that notion, but that's my friend. I'm not talking about an 'associate' but a true friend. Someone I would consider closest to me or that I even bother to care for their well being. In my opinion, my first instinct is to tell that person what I know. POINT BLANK PERIOD. But then I sit back and analyze the situation because I may not know the whole story and everything that may be going on in their relationship or even at thst table. Also, you can't assume that by telling this person what you know they are going to respond positively. They may just turn on you for saying it and jumping in their business.
On the flip side, let's just say you didn't say anything about the possible cheating scandal and your friend finds out that you may have known something. They get mad at you and accuse you of not being a real friend "because you should have told me". Does the person still have a valid argument? Can they really get mad at you for not intruding? It's all so tricky the rules to friendship...
Sigh...
The least I can say is that I think it all depends on the level of friendship that you have with the friend in question. If your bond with someone is strong enough to where you feel they need to know regardless of how they feel for you afterward (best friend, sibling, cousin etc.) then the best policy would be just to tell them what you saw and not make any accusations if you don't know the whole story. But If the same scenario happens with a friend where your bond is not that tight and it could compromise the friendship in the future, then it would probably be best not to tell them and let them handle it on their own.
Just make sure you know the difference between a 'friend' and an 'associate'....
Until next time folks '...Keep Calm and Carry On'
On the one hand, there's a certain loyalty that you have to your friend and their welfare regardless of whatever situation may be and the circumstances that arise. For example, I was watching a report on ABC on when a friend caught their friend's boyfriend cheating on their friend, in a candid camera type of scenario. The question was raised on whether you would tell your friend or would you let them eventually figure it out on their own and I found myself in a quandary. Does it make you a bad person for not telling your friend that the infidelity is going on and you knew about it but didn't say anything about it?
A popular saying that I keep hearing about that particular situation is "stay out of grown folks business" and I tend to agree with that notion, but that's my friend. I'm not talking about an 'associate' but a true friend. Someone I would consider closest to me or that I even bother to care for their well being. In my opinion, my first instinct is to tell that person what I know. POINT BLANK PERIOD. But then I sit back and analyze the situation because I may not know the whole story and everything that may be going on in their relationship or even at thst table. Also, you can't assume that by telling this person what you know they are going to respond positively. They may just turn on you for saying it and jumping in their business.
On the flip side, let's just say you didn't say anything about the possible cheating scandal and your friend finds out that you may have known something. They get mad at you and accuse you of not being a real friend "because you should have told me". Does the person still have a valid argument? Can they really get mad at you for not intruding? It's all so tricky the rules to friendship...
Sigh...
The least I can say is that I think it all depends on the level of friendship that you have with the friend in question. If your bond with someone is strong enough to where you feel they need to know regardless of how they feel for you afterward (best friend, sibling, cousin etc.) then the best policy would be just to tell them what you saw and not make any accusations if you don't know the whole story. But If the same scenario happens with a friend where your bond is not that tight and it could compromise the friendship in the future, then it would probably be best not to tell them and let them handle it on their own.
Just make sure you know the difference between a 'friend' and an 'associate'....
Until next time folks '...Keep Calm and Carry On'
Friday, September 17, 2010
Now Thats It's Over Where Do We Go From Here?
You know, I really wish there was a manual on how to deal with relationships and the aftermath of a failed one. It would make things so much easier, but unfortunately after all the love, passion, and shared moments are over there isn't a pamphlet to show you how to deal with it. Should I hate you afterward? Can we still be friends? Am I supposed to be sad? Was this for the best? And ultimately, what happens when I see you with the next date!!!
Post-relationship rules may actually be harder than being in the relationship. People have millions of theories on how they should act while in a relationship but not too much is said about the post break-up rules.
For example, me and one of the people I have dated before have the best relationship we have ever had now that we're not together. I really consider them one of my best friends even to this day, and we even have talks about their new relationship all the time and I can honestly say I can give an objective opinion about it with no malice. I love em with all of my heart but I'm honestly not in love with this person anymore. It even went so far as to me meeting that person's new 'friend' and we've been cordial to each other also. Some people look at me weird when I say this sometimes too. Was I supposed to be mad? Was I supposed to be bitter towards the new person because they have something I had before? Nope, and I refused to be that type of way also. I think we're all adults and can handle that type of relationship accordingly. Besides, the relationship that they have is for them the one that we had is for us.
I have friends who have told me, 'I would never be able to do that, it would hurt too much' or 'I would just die if I had that situation' and I can understand why. I think there is a feeling of what did this person do right that I didn't do to make this work going through that person's mind to make them feel insecure. An even better assumption is that their relationship didn't end on a good note and they're not quiet over it just yet. Which my friends is the key answer to this equation.
Is it safe to say that initially when you break up with someone that you truly are over it or will there always be some residual feelings there? Can you ever truly just be friends with an ex? Or is it best for you to just go your separate ways and never speak to each other again? Whatever your decision may be just have the strength and maturity to deal with whatever consequence that comes with it. I really wish I could give you an answer what would be the best solution would be, but like most of the answers in life they're specifically made for you. What works for me will most likely only work for me, but what I can say is just know that loving yourself means more than losing any one else. POW!!! There's your happy ending =)
Until next time folks '...Keep Calm and Carry On'
Post-relationship rules may actually be harder than being in the relationship. People have millions of theories on how they should act while in a relationship but not too much is said about the post break-up rules.
For example, me and one of the people I have dated before have the best relationship we have ever had now that we're not together. I really consider them one of my best friends even to this day, and we even have talks about their new relationship all the time and I can honestly say I can give an objective opinion about it with no malice. I love em with all of my heart but I'm honestly not in love with this person anymore. It even went so far as to me meeting that person's new 'friend' and we've been cordial to each other also. Some people look at me weird when I say this sometimes too. Was I supposed to be mad? Was I supposed to be bitter towards the new person because they have something I had before? Nope, and I refused to be that type of way also. I think we're all adults and can handle that type of relationship accordingly. Besides, the relationship that they have is for them the one that we had is for us.
I have friends who have told me, 'I would never be able to do that, it would hurt too much' or 'I would just die if I had that situation' and I can understand why. I think there is a feeling of what did this person do right that I didn't do to make this work going through that person's mind to make them feel insecure. An even better assumption is that their relationship didn't end on a good note and they're not quiet over it just yet. Which my friends is the key answer to this equation.
Is it safe to say that initially when you break up with someone that you truly are over it or will there always be some residual feelings there? Can you ever truly just be friends with an ex? Or is it best for you to just go your separate ways and never speak to each other again? Whatever your decision may be just have the strength and maturity to deal with whatever consequence that comes with it. I really wish I could give you an answer what would be the best solution would be, but like most of the answers in life they're specifically made for you. What works for me will most likely only work for me, but what I can say is just know that loving yourself means more than losing any one else. POW!!! There's your happy ending =)
Until next time folks '...Keep Calm and Carry On'
Thursday, September 16, 2010
When Keepin It Real Goes Wrong
While searching for a topic for today, I came to a blank to be honest. But then it hit me like a bag of boulders...what happens when you're really honest with someone. I like to believe that I am too honest with people about everything and that's why when I say things to people they think I'm crazy or just rude. How many times have you heard 'I would just appreciate it if this person was honest with me?' and when you are honest with them they get mad? I just don't get it, you asked me to be honest with you but when I tell you the truth you can't handle it.
I think the better way to phrase that sentence that everyone asks is 'I wish you would just tell the truth...as long as it's good news', and that my friends is where people get the game fucked up. You can't ask someone to be completely honest with you if you can't handle the WHOLE truth. If you had the nerve to ask your boyfriend/girlfriend if they were cheating on you, you should be prepared for whatever answer they may give you. If you ask your boss how your performance was today and they tell you it was piss poor don't get mad at them because YOU ASKED!!
I live by the law of 'If you ask me a question or for my opinion be prepared for the real answer every time'; it's the only way to live IMO. The world would function so much better if people lived by this too, but unfortunately the world doesn't operate in this manner. Douches....I kid I kid =) There are certain scenario's where 'massaging the truth' helps you in certain instances but more times often than not being straight up with someone is usually the best route to take. Besides people who only need 'yes men' and to live in a Disney world where everyone thinks everything you do is great or you're never wrong are delusional and will have a downfall very shortly. I guess it is true what they say, honesty really is the best policy.
Until next time folks '...Keep Calm and Carry On'
I think the better way to phrase that sentence that everyone asks is 'I wish you would just tell the truth...as long as it's good news', and that my friends is where people get the game fucked up. You can't ask someone to be completely honest with you if you can't handle the WHOLE truth. If you had the nerve to ask your boyfriend/girlfriend if they were cheating on you, you should be prepared for whatever answer they may give you. If you ask your boss how your performance was today and they tell you it was piss poor don't get mad at them because YOU ASKED!!
I live by the law of 'If you ask me a question or for my opinion be prepared for the real answer every time'; it's the only way to live IMO. The world would function so much better if people lived by this too, but unfortunately the world doesn't operate in this manner. Douches....I kid I kid =) There are certain scenario's where 'massaging the truth' helps you in certain instances but more times often than not being straight up with someone is usually the best route to take. Besides people who only need 'yes men' and to live in a Disney world where everyone thinks everything you do is great or you're never wrong are delusional and will have a downfall very shortly. I guess it is true what they say, honesty really is the best policy.
Until next time folks '...Keep Calm and Carry On'
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Team Darkskin vs Team Lightskin
Is this 2010? Because the color complex that most people have in this day and age makes me believe we are still in the civil rights era. Matter of fact I think its even worse than then because we have 'come so far in race relations' that it shouldn't matter right?
Wrong...
The color complex that black people have in America is frightening because its coming from our own people!! The same people that we fought with for rights to be equal. The same people whose ancestors were being raped and pillaged. The same people who at the end of the day still can't get a loan because regardless of how many times you pass the paper bag test will never come out of the 'high risk factor' category.
So why are we continually segregating ourselves even further in society by demeaning the color of our skin. Who's to say that being dark skinned is ugly? Who's to say that being light skinned means you're cute? Trust me there are people who I have met who are the contrary in both cases. Besides if you're ugly your just ugly, and if you're cute there's no denying your cuteness.
The purpose of this post isn't to bring anybody down or elevate any one 'team' over the other. The point is to open up your minds to the beauty in all complexions and bring to light the game that is being played on you while your fighting for your respective 'team'. There is nothing that irritates me more than when someone says 'you're cute for a dark skinned boy/girl' or 'I don't have to worry about anything I'm light skinned'. What kind of tomfoolery is that? The last time I checked we're all running this rat race in life together, nothing makes you exempt. Even if you get a 'pass' for being safe and light skinned you will be brought back to reality when shit hits the fan because at the end of the day you are still black in America.
That's the point most people seem to forget is that no matter the hue of your skin, you are still black in America. Because of that we are always being plotted against and conditioned to keep ourselves in-fighting so we can never achieve our potential greatness. White people and other races don't have to do anything to keep us down because we do it for them. We do it by killing each other, we do it by not supporting one another, and we do it by perpetuating and maintaining ignorant stereotypes and beliefs of superiority amongst one another in the community.
I feel like I'm getting too preachy so I'll just end with this, you can be team dark skinned or team light skinned all you want I'm not here to tell you how to live. But the reflection of your character and the strength of our people carries more power than any pigment of skin...recognize that power
Team Unity
Until next time folks '...Keep Calm and Carry On'.
Wrong...
The color complex that black people have in America is frightening because its coming from our own people!! The same people that we fought with for rights to be equal. The same people whose ancestors were being raped and pillaged. The same people who at the end of the day still can't get a loan because regardless of how many times you pass the paper bag test will never come out of the 'high risk factor' category.
So why are we continually segregating ourselves even further in society by demeaning the color of our skin. Who's to say that being dark skinned is ugly? Who's to say that being light skinned means you're cute? Trust me there are people who I have met who are the contrary in both cases. Besides if you're ugly your just ugly, and if you're cute there's no denying your cuteness.
The purpose of this post isn't to bring anybody down or elevate any one 'team' over the other. The point is to open up your minds to the beauty in all complexions and bring to light the game that is being played on you while your fighting for your respective 'team'. There is nothing that irritates me more than when someone says 'you're cute for a dark skinned boy/girl' or 'I don't have to worry about anything I'm light skinned'. What kind of tomfoolery is that? The last time I checked we're all running this rat race in life together, nothing makes you exempt. Even if you get a 'pass' for being safe and light skinned you will be brought back to reality when shit hits the fan because at the end of the day you are still black in America.
That's the point most people seem to forget is that no matter the hue of your skin, you are still black in America. Because of that we are always being plotted against and conditioned to keep ourselves in-fighting so we can never achieve our potential greatness. White people and other races don't have to do anything to keep us down because we do it for them. We do it by killing each other, we do it by not supporting one another, and we do it by perpetuating and maintaining ignorant stereotypes and beliefs of superiority amongst one another in the community.
I feel like I'm getting too preachy so I'll just end with this, you can be team dark skinned or team light skinned all you want I'm not here to tell you how to live. But the reflection of your character and the strength of our people carries more power than any pigment of skin...recognize that power
Team Unity
Until next time folks '...Keep Calm and Carry On'.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
...But They're Cute Though!!!
Raise your hand if you have ever said that looks don't matter or play a factor into who you pick as a potential mate? All of you that raised your hands...you're lying. You're lying to yourself and your lying about your expectations. Point, blank, period. Even in the most un-shallow circumstances the way the person looks or dresses plays a factor into how much we are attracted to them. I have heard stories from friends and even by my own accords of people who have made being cute or looking cute together a priority for the foundation of their relationship. Shaky foundation to start it on but hey read my subtext (this is me...stripped lol).
Currently, me and a group of my friends have a grading scale (HEY YA'LL!!! had to get ghetto for a second) and it deems how much and how far we would go with a person based on their overall look and potential, which goes as follows:
1- 'I wouldn't touch you with a 10 ft pole'
2- 'Maybe on a 'drunk night'
3- 'Yeah I'd do you'
4- 'I need to date you...like NOW'
5- 'WHATEVER you got I caught/Can I live with this disease?'
Graphic but true...I always envision a '5' being the Halle Berry/Stacey Dash types for the guys (or girls) or a Boris Kodjoe/Idris Elba type for the girls (or guys...how you doin'?) The only song I can hear going through my head while looking at a '5' is Mya 'Why You Gotta Look So Good?' But I digress....
As I really sat down and thought about this grading scale we have incorporated into our everyday lives, it got me to thinking about the emphasis on looks we put on others when searching for a relationship. In my opinion, it plays a major factor on how you are initially attracted to a person but shouldn't be the foundation of what your relationship is all about. The cuteness factor and sex are such shallow things to base a relationship off of but we often do it to fulfill our fantasy of what the perfect partner might be. Oftentimes, when we look for that particular '5' we end up sacrificing much of what we believe or truly want to be with that person who 'looks too good to pass up'.
I have had friends literally say 'I don't usually do this but did you see him/her? she/he is bad!!!' And as much as I hate to admit it, I have done it too. Trying to make things work when I know they weren't meant to be but they looked so good I had to make it happen because 'we look so good together'.
In my defense I (kind of) grew out of that, I still have my moments but I learned a valuable lesson while in pursuit of that '5'. I learned that shaky foundations built on shallow grounds will always crumble. Also, loving yourself has to mean more than losing that person because all you have is you at the end of the day. And last but not least, being cute needs to be a plus not a priority. So in the mean time, I think i'll be happy with a nice '3' or '4' that treats me well and makes me happy.
Until next time folks '....Keep Calm and Carry On'
Currently, me and a group of my friends have a grading scale (HEY YA'LL!!! had to get ghetto for a second) and it deems how much and how far we would go with a person based on their overall look and potential, which goes as follows:
1- 'I wouldn't touch you with a 10 ft pole'
2- 'Maybe on a 'drunk night'
3- 'Yeah I'd do you'
4- 'I need to date you...like NOW'
5- 'WHATEVER you got I caught/Can I live with this disease?'
Graphic but true...I always envision a '5' being the Halle Berry/Stacey Dash types for the guys (or girls) or a Boris Kodjoe/Idris Elba type for the girls (or guys...how you doin'?) The only song I can hear going through my head while looking at a '5' is Mya 'Why You Gotta Look So Good?' But I digress....
As I really sat down and thought about this grading scale we have incorporated into our everyday lives, it got me to thinking about the emphasis on looks we put on others when searching for a relationship. In my opinion, it plays a major factor on how you are initially attracted to a person but shouldn't be the foundation of what your relationship is all about. The cuteness factor and sex are such shallow things to base a relationship off of but we often do it to fulfill our fantasy of what the perfect partner might be. Oftentimes, when we look for that particular '5' we end up sacrificing much of what we believe or truly want to be with that person who 'looks too good to pass up'.
I have had friends literally say 'I don't usually do this but did you see him/her? she/he is bad!!!' And as much as I hate to admit it, I have done it too. Trying to make things work when I know they weren't meant to be but they looked so good I had to make it happen because 'we look so good together'.
In my defense I (kind of) grew out of that, I still have my moments but I learned a valuable lesson while in pursuit of that '5'. I learned that shaky foundations built on shallow grounds will always crumble. Also, loving yourself has to mean more than losing that person because all you have is you at the end of the day. And last but not least, being cute needs to be a plus not a priority. So in the mean time, I think i'll be happy with a nice '3' or '4' that treats me well and makes me happy.
Until next time folks '....Keep Calm and Carry On'
Monday, September 13, 2010
Feel The Same Way I Do?
'You know we been spending a lot of time together and I was just wondering if you...feel the same way I do?' -Destiny's Child 'Feel The Same Way I Do'
You know I once heard that when dealing with people in a relationship you can't trust what each other say for at least a month...or 2 (shout out to Lupe Fiasco). But what's supposed to happen if you say get to month 2 and you both have a lot of feelings for the person your dating but still have insecurities about the relationship. I know the main concern I have in the beginning of every potential relationship is how much is too much to reveal about how you feel. 'How much should I say about myself' and 'what exactly I'm looking for to not seem 'thirsty' or 'a little more into this than I need to be'; all of these questions seem to be the main cause of concern. You know that scary/unsure yet exciting time when you're getting to know someone and you want to look like the perfect 'candidate' for boyfriend/girlfriend material all while trying not to display too much of your 'crazy'. (sidebar: everybody has some crazy traits about them that may seem normal to you but looked at through a dates eyes, you look nuts...but I digress)
It's a nervous time figuring out if this person really likes me for me, if this person seems to be truly into me, or if this even going somewhere. Many questions asked, many games played, and lots of tests being conducted to see if you are who you say you are. I know that last statement for a fact because apparently everyone's been hurt and no one wants to go through that again...or at least that's the story everyone is going with.
It seems as though not many people are willing to put themselves 'out there' because we've all been scarred by some past love or some past relationship and it won't allow us to feel for anyone so quickly (sometimes even at all!!!) As humans we all desire love and want to feel appreciated by someone we care for but at the same time our natural response to something that may have hurt us in the past is to put up a defense mechanism, other wise known that handy dandy 'wall' that everyone seems to have built up.
But to truly acquire that love that we're all searching for it requires a great leap of faith. You gotta put yourself out there and hope for the best. If you really like that person your getting to know, tell them. If you wanna make the relationship work, put in some work. If you want that person to stay, show it. Yeah you might get hurt or have your pride stomped on but love is a bitch with 5 inch heels on. The worst a person can say is no, and in that case all that person is doing is making room for the right person to walk into your life.
Take a chance on love...
Besides, how can you truly know what it means to be in love with someone or have some character in the relationship category if you don't have a couple war wounds and stories to tell of love gone wrong? War wounds are sexy ;)
Until next time folks, '...Keep calm and carry on'
You know I once heard that when dealing with people in a relationship you can't trust what each other say for at least a month...or 2 (shout out to Lupe Fiasco). But what's supposed to happen if you say get to month 2 and you both have a lot of feelings for the person your dating but still have insecurities about the relationship. I know the main concern I have in the beginning of every potential relationship is how much is too much to reveal about how you feel. 'How much should I say about myself' and 'what exactly I'm looking for to not seem 'thirsty' or 'a little more into this than I need to be'; all of these questions seem to be the main cause of concern. You know that scary/unsure yet exciting time when you're getting to know someone and you want to look like the perfect 'candidate' for boyfriend/girlfriend material all while trying not to display too much of your 'crazy'. (sidebar: everybody has some crazy traits about them that may seem normal to you but looked at through a dates eyes, you look nuts...but I digress)
It's a nervous time figuring out if this person really likes me for me, if this person seems to be truly into me, or if this even going somewhere. Many questions asked, many games played, and lots of tests being conducted to see if you are who you say you are. I know that last statement for a fact because apparently everyone's been hurt and no one wants to go through that again...or at least that's the story everyone is going with.
It seems as though not many people are willing to put themselves 'out there' because we've all been scarred by some past love or some past relationship and it won't allow us to feel for anyone so quickly (sometimes even at all!!!) As humans we all desire love and want to feel appreciated by someone we care for but at the same time our natural response to something that may have hurt us in the past is to put up a defense mechanism, other wise known that handy dandy 'wall' that everyone seems to have built up.
But to truly acquire that love that we're all searching for it requires a great leap of faith. You gotta put yourself out there and hope for the best. If you really like that person your getting to know, tell them. If you wanna make the relationship work, put in some work. If you want that person to stay, show it. Yeah you might get hurt or have your pride stomped on but love is a bitch with 5 inch heels on. The worst a person can say is no, and in that case all that person is doing is making room for the right person to walk into your life.
Take a chance on love...
Besides, how can you truly know what it means to be in love with someone or have some character in the relationship category if you don't have a couple war wounds and stories to tell of love gone wrong? War wounds are sexy ;)
Until next time folks, '...Keep calm and carry on'
Sunday, September 12, 2010
The 'Fuck Up My Day' Censor
Why does it seem like whenever I come into a good time or start to truly be happy with someone or something, that one person always shows up to fuck up your mood?
I swear, I think all of my exes, bosses, family members and anybody else along those lines have some sort of 'spidey senses' that go off the moment you become happy or start doing something good with your life. And you know when it happens? Right at the moment when you say 'Thank you (insert Deity here) that I got out of the situation I was just in because I feel so much better'. I always imagine there being a fire alarm kind of sound going off in their minds that just signals them to say 'how can I fuck this person's day up in the worst possible way today.'
sigh...
Despite the inconvenience and the temporary flash backs of what things used to be, this situation can also be looked at as positive. When that person or situation jumps back into your life you can use it as a gauge to see how much you've grown or how over that person you truly are. And there's nothing that gives me more satisfaction than to see the person that used that 'fuck up my day' censor's day fucked up. Sort of like a transference of energy, and I'm telling you it really works. So, here's to you 'fuck up my day' censor (raises glass) you intend to ruin my day and make me feel bad, but in the end you really just help me to be a better me in the end and see that the me I once was can't compare to the me that I'm going to be....which is great. =)
Until next time people '...Keep Calm and Carry On'
I swear, I think all of my exes, bosses, family members and anybody else along those lines have some sort of 'spidey senses' that go off the moment you become happy or start doing something good with your life. And you know when it happens? Right at the moment when you say 'Thank you (insert Deity here) that I got out of the situation I was just in because I feel so much better'. I always imagine there being a fire alarm kind of sound going off in their minds that just signals them to say 'how can I fuck this person's day up in the worst possible way today.'
sigh...
Despite the inconvenience and the temporary flash backs of what things used to be, this situation can also be looked at as positive. When that person or situation jumps back into your life you can use it as a gauge to see how much you've grown or how over that person you truly are. And there's nothing that gives me more satisfaction than to see the person that used that 'fuck up my day' censor's day fucked up. Sort of like a transference of energy, and I'm telling you it really works. So, here's to you 'fuck up my day' censor (raises glass) you intend to ruin my day and make me feel bad, but in the end you really just help me to be a better me in the end and see that the me I once was can't compare to the me that I'm going to be....which is great. =)
Until next time people '...Keep Calm and Carry On'
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
...Can't Choose Em
SIGH!!!
I didn't think that this would happen to me but here it goes....
FAMILY, how many of us trust them?
I know everybody has their family quarrels but this one takes the cake!!!
I'm not going to spill my family secrets because that's between us but I just have to vent.
All of my life, I've been raised to put family first and be there for them when shit gets rough, but has anybody ever considered what happens when shit gets rough for you and they're not there?
Exactly neither did I...until it happened.
When I need them the most, they're nowhere to be found.
When I need you to understand my situation, you're the first one to turn your back.
I show you my character all of my life and how much I accomplish, and you question my character at the first sign of trouble? PUHHHH!!!!!
I bet you if I were to make a come up, you would be the first one with your hand out and reminding me of how much you done for me. NEGRO PLEASE!!!!
But we're family right? You know sometimes blood ain't no thicker than water and family will be the first to turn on you before a stranger (thanks diamond 'player's club') but you can't choose who your related to...and at the end of the day they are all that I have. My family may not be perfect or always do the right thing but I love them. Love means getting over stuff. Some issues aren't that deep and some are, but what is deep is the relationship I have between the people that I am here for life with. Petty arguments and money issues will never replace the loving moments me and my kin share. So for that I will say 'Live and Let Die', love your loved ones with every fiber of your bones even though they can sometimes get under your skin. And besides you're stuck with 'em, so you might as well make the ride throughout life a somewhat pleasing one (lol)
Until next time people '...Keep Calm and Carry On'
I didn't think that this would happen to me but here it goes....
FAMILY, how many of us trust them?
I know everybody has their family quarrels but this one takes the cake!!!
I'm not going to spill my family secrets because that's between us but I just have to vent.
All of my life, I've been raised to put family first and be there for them when shit gets rough, but has anybody ever considered what happens when shit gets rough for you and they're not there?
Exactly neither did I...until it happened.
When I need them the most, they're nowhere to be found.
When I need you to understand my situation, you're the first one to turn your back.
I show you my character all of my life and how much I accomplish, and you question my character at the first sign of trouble? PUHHHH!!!!!
I bet you if I were to make a come up, you would be the first one with your hand out and reminding me of how much you done for me. NEGRO PLEASE!!!!
But we're family right? You know sometimes blood ain't no thicker than water and family will be the first to turn on you before a stranger (thanks diamond 'player's club') but you can't choose who your related to...and at the end of the day they are all that I have. My family may not be perfect or always do the right thing but I love them. Love means getting over stuff. Some issues aren't that deep and some are, but what is deep is the relationship I have between the people that I am here for life with. Petty arguments and money issues will never replace the loving moments me and my kin share. So for that I will say 'Live and Let Die', love your loved ones with every fiber of your bones even though they can sometimes get under your skin. And besides you're stuck with 'em, so you might as well make the ride throughout life a somewhat pleasing one (lol)
Until next time people '...Keep Calm and Carry On'
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Perception vs Reality
A common thread that I'm finding with most of my friends and acquaintances lately is that when it comes to dealing with people and relationships is the perception of what people have of them as opposed to who they truly are. I was speaking with a couple friends this weekend about their failed attempts at relationships and truly getting to know someone and this was the overwhelming common theme. It seems people love the idea of what that person might be as opposed to who they actually are. IMO this is the problem with America and the media but that's a whole different post...but I digress.
I'm not saying that these people may not have had a hand in contributing to these perceptions of 'reality' but it begs the question in my mind 'Do most people aim to love the IDEA of someone as opposed to the person's actual character when looking to be in a relationship?' Are we consumed with what we look like with a person or what this person can do for me, that we forget to look at what this person is actually all about?
I'm not even gonna front, when approaching some people in the past the first thought in my mind was 'we would look good together' or 'if I'm with this person what can I gain from this' but hey I'm human (kyle shrug) In my maturation process though I have come to terms with my shallow stand point on things and have come to accept more than just a 'cute look', but to delve deeper into that person's character and what their truly about. But as my aspect on what a relationship should entail changes and I start to see things differently the concept of 'perception and reality' in terms of relationships becomes a little more clear. A lot of questions asked and some still not answered....
'How much do we put out that we would love for someone to love us as we are?'
'How much do we feed into the 'facade' that people have of us as opposed to breaking that stereotype?'
'Do people really know me/them as much as they say they do?'
'Do I really know myself as much I think I do?'
'Am I being as honest with myself and other people about what I truly want as opposed to what people want to hear?'
And the most important question of all 'Do I really love/know myself and know my self worth enough to know that I have a clear distinction between what people think and how I feel?'
A wise person once said 'How are you gonna have someone love you when you barely even love yourself?' Kind of generic but really poignant in answering the questions. I think people (myself included) search for answers and validation in other people before loving and validating themselves to the point where they feel the need to be a caricature of themselves as a kind of escapism. People fall for it and want it to be real so badly they turn a blind eye to what is all going on and miss very important signs. Good ol' smoke and mirrors gets people everytime.
As I go through my journey of the 'perfect relationship' (sidebar: HA!!) I encourage my friends, my readers and even MYSELF to go a little bit deeper, be honest with yourself, and be honest with the people you come to terms with what is presented and what is actually you and the other people's perception of you match your reality.
Until next time '...Keep Calm and Carry On'
I'm not saying that these people may not have had a hand in contributing to these perceptions of 'reality' but it begs the question in my mind 'Do most people aim to love the IDEA of someone as opposed to the person's actual character when looking to be in a relationship?' Are we consumed with what we look like with a person or what this person can do for me, that we forget to look at what this person is actually all about?
I'm not even gonna front, when approaching some people in the past the first thought in my mind was 'we would look good together' or 'if I'm with this person what can I gain from this' but hey I'm human (kyle shrug) In my maturation process though I have come to terms with my shallow stand point on things and have come to accept more than just a 'cute look', but to delve deeper into that person's character and what their truly about. But as my aspect on what a relationship should entail changes and I start to see things differently the concept of 'perception and reality' in terms of relationships becomes a little more clear. A lot of questions asked and some still not answered....
'How much do we put out that we would love for someone to love us as we are?'
'How much do we feed into the 'facade' that people have of us as opposed to breaking that stereotype?'
'Do people really know me/them as much as they say they do?'
'Do I really know myself as much I think I do?'
'Am I being as honest with myself and other people about what I truly want as opposed to what people want to hear?'
And the most important question of all 'Do I really love/know myself and know my self worth enough to know that I have a clear distinction between what people think and how I feel?'
A wise person once said 'How are you gonna have someone love you when you barely even love yourself?' Kind of generic but really poignant in answering the questions. I think people (myself included) search for answers and validation in other people before loving and validating themselves to the point where they feel the need to be a caricature of themselves as a kind of escapism. People fall for it and want it to be real so badly they turn a blind eye to what is all going on and miss very important signs. Good ol' smoke and mirrors gets people everytime.
As I go through my journey of the 'perfect relationship' (sidebar: HA!!) I encourage my friends, my readers and even MYSELF to go a little bit deeper, be honest with yourself, and be honest with the people you come to terms with what is presented and what is actually you and the other people's perception of you match your reality.
Until next time '...Keep Calm and Carry On'
Sunday, September 5, 2010
It just needs to be said...
I just gotta let it out...
Its been building up for a while now and I feel like if I don't say it I'm going to explode!! I've been holding it in all of this time trying to be casual and coy, not wanting to offend anybody or 'come out of character' but here it is...
I'm bout to say it...
R u ready for it?
Here it goes....
"Fuckity fuck fuck fuck, I love to cuss"
Whew!!! There it goes and I feel a whole lot better because I said it just for fuck's sake!!
I spend so much portraying a calm and composed demeanor that the side of me that wants to swear like a pirate gets stifled and I forget to let it out!!!
The feeling I get after I say 'fuck' fulfills me more than biting into a peppermint patty.
Saying 'Shit cunt' sometimes gives me a feeling better than sex.
So here's to you 'Ass,shit,damn,fucks' out there, because of you I can go into the world sane and a little more mellow by shouting your praises. I encourage everyone who reads to shout a random obscenity today and see how much better you feel...but since its Sunday shout it in the name of the lordt. Amen
Until next time people ;)
"...keep calm and carry on"
Its been building up for a while now and I feel like if I don't say it I'm going to explode!! I've been holding it in all of this time trying to be casual and coy, not wanting to offend anybody or 'come out of character' but here it is...
I'm bout to say it...
R u ready for it?
Here it goes....
"Fuckity fuck fuck fuck, I love to cuss"
Whew!!! There it goes and I feel a whole lot better because I said it just for fuck's sake!!
I spend so much portraying a calm and composed demeanor that the side of me that wants to swear like a pirate gets stifled and I forget to let it out!!!
The feeling I get after I say 'fuck' fulfills me more than biting into a peppermint patty.
Saying 'Shit cunt' sometimes gives me a feeling better than sex.
So here's to you 'Ass,shit,damn,fucks' out there, because of you I can go into the world sane and a little more mellow by shouting your praises. I encourage everyone who reads to shout a random obscenity today and see how much better you feel...but since its Sunday shout it in the name of the lordt. Amen
Until next time people ;)
"...keep calm and carry on"
Saturday, September 4, 2010
What I Want vs. What I Believe (but turned into frou frou love banter)
Have you ever ran across certain instances in your life where you have a preordained, ideological answer to a question in your head or that you need to answer out loud but what you feel and think conflicts what you truly want? Whether it be in relationship, being politically correct, or any other regard the conflict of what it is and what it SHOULD be is a daily battle for me.
At times when people ask: 'Do you want to be in a relationship?' I believe that answer should be 'no' because at this point in my life I need to focus on me and my forthcoming career. But what I want is to experience love and all it has to offer. Someone who genuinely cares for me the same way I care for them. To have someone who looks at me in my worst hour and says 'baby your perfect' and truly mean it. I want love with no pretense, no parameters, no stipulations with a slight hint of BS (because its bound to happen).
I've condition myself to think that I don't need someone, that people get in the way and that love isn't for me. All bullshit. All that mushy shit I see in movies of unrequited love that Disney films are made of...not for me. I dream of something a little more realistic, a little more authentic, a little more sacred between us two.
I hear people say all the time say how people have done them wrong and how 'love ain't shit' but for every low there was a high. A moment when that 'love' made you feel like you were the only two in the world. Where the slightest thought of that person made a smile instantaneous smile come across your face. Where you couldn't go to sleep without that special person because your night isn't complete without them. I envy that...I envy those people who even got to the point to say 'love ain't shit' because they got to experience that high and that low of love and I cant even say I got to that point.
Sure I've had deep like for people, but most of the time it was one sided and just wasn't right. I feel like im starting to ramble, so I'm going to wrap it up...I had an intention to showcase how what I want in life conflicts with what I've been taught to believe but in true Kyle fashion I went a completely different direction, it must have been these damn love songs I'm listening to (lol).
In summary, I could throw out an arbitrary phrase to make myself or my readers (whomever you may be, thank you for reading) feel better and give an optimistic outlook for the future, but honestly I don't know what to say. I'm kind of worried about that but I kind of like that there's a beauty in not knowing sometimes, that's one thing that I know my wants and my belief's can agree on ;)
"...keep calm and carry on"
At times when people ask: 'Do you want to be in a relationship?' I believe that answer should be 'no' because at this point in my life I need to focus on me and my forthcoming career. But what I want is to experience love and all it has to offer. Someone who genuinely cares for me the same way I care for them. To have someone who looks at me in my worst hour and says 'baby your perfect' and truly mean it. I want love with no pretense, no parameters, no stipulations with a slight hint of BS (because its bound to happen).
I've condition myself to think that I don't need someone, that people get in the way and that love isn't for me. All bullshit. All that mushy shit I see in movies of unrequited love that Disney films are made of...not for me. I dream of something a little more realistic, a little more authentic, a little more sacred between us two.
I hear people say all the time say how people have done them wrong and how 'love ain't shit' but for every low there was a high. A moment when that 'love' made you feel like you were the only two in the world. Where the slightest thought of that person made a smile instantaneous smile come across your face. Where you couldn't go to sleep without that special person because your night isn't complete without them. I envy that...I envy those people who even got to the point to say 'love ain't shit' because they got to experience that high and that low of love and I cant even say I got to that point.
Sure I've had deep like for people, but most of the time it was one sided and just wasn't right. I feel like im starting to ramble, so I'm going to wrap it up...I had an intention to showcase how what I want in life conflicts with what I've been taught to believe but in true Kyle fashion I went a completely different direction, it must have been these damn love songs I'm listening to (lol).
In summary, I could throw out an arbitrary phrase to make myself or my readers (whomever you may be, thank you for reading) feel better and give an optimistic outlook for the future, but honestly I don't know what to say. I'm kind of worried about that but I kind of like that there's a beauty in not knowing sometimes, that's one thing that I know my wants and my belief's can agree on ;)
"...keep calm and carry on"
Friday, September 3, 2010
...So this is it?
I'm having a moment...
For those of you that know me, this could either be a good or bad thing.
Current Mood: Melancholy
Current Feeling: Stuck
Current Attitude: Optimistic
All of my life I have been preparing...
Preparing to be successful
Preparing to be a role model
Preparing to live up to my potential
But most of all I have been in preparation to deal with my post pubescent life as an adult, then one day here it is.
And all I have to say is 'So this is it?'
I knew adulthood wouldn't be all rainbows and sunshine but to describe it as underwhelming is an understatement in itself. I swear this isn't an entry where I just bitch and moan, but it's some shit that needs to be said. And to sum it all up (because this keyboard I'm using is ratchet as hell):
-EVERYTHING I've learned about decency and people up to this point is BS when it comes down the 'every man for himself' mentality people convey
-Friends can be a very valuable assets or detrimental tool in your life, not all of them are going to do everything right in every scenario....the most you can hope for is that most of them 'get it'
-Finally, Love is a battlefield Pat Benetar said it best...
Don't worry my future posts will be less dramatic...until then 'Keep Calm and Carry On'
For those of you that know me, this could either be a good or bad thing.
Current Mood: Melancholy
Current Feeling: Stuck
Current Attitude: Optimistic
All of my life I have been preparing...
Preparing to be successful
Preparing to be a role model
Preparing to live up to my potential
But most of all I have been in preparation to deal with my post pubescent life as an adult, then one day here it is.
And all I have to say is 'So this is it?'
I knew adulthood wouldn't be all rainbows and sunshine but to describe it as underwhelming is an understatement in itself. I swear this isn't an entry where I just bitch and moan, but it's some shit that needs to be said. And to sum it all up (because this keyboard I'm using is ratchet as hell):
-EVERYTHING I've learned about decency and people up to this point is BS when it comes down the 'every man for himself' mentality people convey
-Friends can be a very valuable assets or detrimental tool in your life, not all of them are going to do everything right in every scenario....the most you can hope for is that most of them 'get it'
-Finally, Love is a battlefield Pat Benetar said it best...
Don't worry my future posts will be less dramatic...until then 'Keep Calm and Carry On'
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