The Space Between

I've often wondered if absence truly makes the heart fonder or does it give one an excuse to make things fall apart. Maintaining a long distance relationship has always been described as the hardest to maintain because there are many more obstacles to overcome. You have to take into account all of the physical barriers as well as the potential emotional disconnect that can occur when you can't be with the one you love. But who's to say that the miles that separate you have to hinder the bond that you two have unless there is an underlying issue.

Its my personal belief that a long distance relationship can work if there is a solid foundation that is set in place. If there are unresolved issues that linger before one moves away then there is a great probability the relationship won't pan out well. It just leaves room for speculation of all kinds of wrong doing and trust issues to occur more feverishly. Many different things could and possibly will go wrong but if you truly love and trust the one you're with then you could overcome these obstacles.

Trust...

It's a thing that most people take for granted but wish they valued the most once its gone. What's important to remember, especially in these types of relationships, is that trust is sometimes the only thing you have to hold on to. There's no sure fire way to know if your significant other is doing wrong or right, but trust is one thing you have to believe in. If that person means that much to you then they will do everything in their power to make sure it stays in tact. If they don't then the space between you two was put in place for a reason.

Until next time folks '...Keep calm and carry on'
 

Holiday Heartwarming

So if you got into my other holiday post (see: 'And That's What It's All About' post) I have a love/hate feeling toward holiday themed posts. I love the love and cheer that they bring but hate the cheesy nature of which most people bring to them.

Caught up? Good...

With that being said I feel Christmas is devoid of any holiday angst I hold against the promotional factors of what a holiday should be. Not only because you get stuff (score!!!) but the overall feeling that people get when this particular holiday rolls around. Christmas is the one holiday where people who have nasty dispositions 364 days out of the year shed that appearance to make at least one person happy. Christmas gives that type of feeling where the good of the common man usurps an individuals feelings for at least one day and the world can at least seem to be at peace.

Regardless of what religion, political party, or any battling oppositional force you belong to we can all agree that Christmas is a time where we can all lay our metaphorical guns down for at least a day. I don't know if it's my sunny disposition on the world or just naive thinking but I have always felt that the christmas spirit should be applied every day and not just in that one moment. Could you imagine a world where people actually took time to give a damn about more than themselves for an extended period of time? Having the spirit of the holidays in their heart all year round would just make this world a little more bearable for everyone to live in.

Maybe it's just wishful thinking on my part accompanied with a 'Disney/ Happily Ever After' mindset but to imagine a world where that particular holiday heartwarming covers everyone's heart is a world I have always envisioned living in since I was young. Yeah it's kind of a 'corny' thing to say but I truly do wish all people peace on Earth.

Even if this falls upon deaf ears, I just felt it needs to be said because my wish is for everyone to have peace (all of this was said while doing the Ms. America 'shocked face') So with all of that being said, I encourage all of you to take the warm feelings you during Christmas and extend them through the rest of the year.

Happy Holidays Everyone

Until next time folks '...Keep calm and carry on'

Before My Brain Kicks In...

So I'm laying here....

It's morning and I'm in your arms, we had a great night. I feel like I'm on cloud 9 because there is nowhere in the world I'd rather be than right there with you. Then it happens....shit gets real; I start thinking about all the shit that could potentially go wrong with loving you. I could get hurt, I could end up really liking you more than I want to which scares the shit out of me, and most importantly I could get lost in you and lose myself. There are a myriad of reasons to why I can't be with you but one thing is for certain, I enjoy this moment with you right here and right now. So before my brain kicks in and starts weighing me down with 'cons', I'm going to relish in the 'pros'.

It's a beautiful feeling when you let yourself get lost in a world where it feels like you and the one you truly care for are the only two people in the planet. Especially if the person you are with in that moment is someone you could have never picture yourself being with. Sometimes its a welcome surprise but it's a confusing place to be in because you picture your ideal person in your head then you see what life gives you. But just being with that person and enjoying them wholeheartedly, just throws all of those notions out of the window.

It's almost as if all the potential problems seem to be erased with every laugh evoked and a moment of clarity is exuded because of their presence. The feeling you get transcends all logic and rational thinking to the point where it begins to get scary. It's scary because you could never in a million years imagine yourself here with this person and you kind of like it against your better judgment. A classic case of your head telling you no but your heart telling you go with it.

I'm a strong advocate for a healthy balance of the mind and the heart coming to a solid agreement with matters of the heart, but sometimes you just have to go with what makes you feel right. You should never deprive yourself from at least attempting to be happy with the one you're with because it may be just what you need.

Until next time folks '...Keep calm and carry on'

Stanning For Yourself

Sometimes I get down on myself...

Everyday I struggle to have some sort of belief system in my capabilities and if I'm able to accomplish certain things. Deep down in my soul I know I have limitless potential to do great things because I have in the past, but most of the time I never laud my accomplishments. And I feel right now that this is the time where that needs to coming to a crashing halt. It's time I start stanning for myself....

I get the term 'stan' from the popular song by Eminem, talking about how someone obsessively praises someone else to the point where it became insane. The amount of time and dedication that 'stan' spent on that other particular person went into overdrive and they started believing in that preson and their reality more than their own. Which led me to thinking what would happen if I started 'stanning' for me and what i want to do?

I spend a considerable amount of time promoting and pushing other people's products and personal dreams that I sometimes forget to push myself to do great things. Or even worse, I downgrade what I have done to promote what others have done. But all that is going to change; today I am taking a stand to start pushing myself and what I'm doing to promote MYSELF.

I don't personally believe there is anything wrong with a little shameless self promotion. As a matter of fact I whole heartedly encourage it. Just think about it, who else is going to as hard for something you believe in other than yourself? That's right, NOBODY!!! So why not promote and market yourself in the best light on your own accords?

Of course there will be doubters and nay-sayers who want to derail you of what you truly want to do into something more conventional, but all of that must be alluded to maintain your ultimate goal. If you have a vision you must have tunnel vision and keep your eyes on the prize, but most importantly you have to believe in whatever you're pushing with your whole heart and energy.

 So I came up with a little mantra that I go by and maybe it can help you as well:
"The belief in myself is always going to be greater than the doubt anyone has for me"

Now get to stanning for yourself and I'll see you at the top =)

Until next time folks '...Keep calm and carry on'

That 'H.ouse I.n V.irginia'

Taboo (ta-bu) 1. 1.A ban or an inhibition resulting from social custom or emotional aversion.

...I been feeling the urge to talk about this subject for a very long time because I feel like it's an issue that alot of people tend to avoid. There is an epidemic going on, especially with the African American community, that most people tend to take lightly. The epidemic that I am talking about is the silent killer, HIV/AIDS.

Recently there has been awareness due to World Aids Day and the recent development of a potential 'cure' for HIV being developed. link But the discussion of this rather important topic still needs to be discussed because there are many people who are still wildly unaware of the outcomes of this disease.

It seems as though most people think they are impervious to catching HIV especially in the African-American community because there isn't very much dialouge going on about methods of prevention. Also there doesn't seem to be a full understanding of how HIV affects our community. The reason to why HIV/AIDS in the African American community is taboo seems to be because no one wants to 'point the finger' at any one group for tracing the origin of where most of the cases are coming from. (i.e. AA women, Homosexuals, "DL" Brothers, etc.) But most of this dialouge should and NEEDS to be discussed in order to try  plan methods of prevention and build awareness.

This idea just doesn't go for African-Americans exclusively but can go for everyone. Protecting yourself and the ones you love from contracting HIV/AIDS is an important step everyone must take to save lives. I feel it is almost important to include that if you already do have the disease HIV/AIDS that this does not automatically equal a death sentence for you. There are many different prescriptions and drugs that can help you lead a normal life. So please don't feel alienated or ashamed becuase of your status; it does not define who you are. I want to personally say you are beautiful and strong and can make it through through your situation with a little strength and courage.

Whether you are 'positive' or 'negative' it is important to know where you stand as far as your health is concerned. In this world all you have as far as an individual, and to not take the necessary steps to ensure they are safe guarded speaks volumes to how you ultimately feel about yourself. Not to mention how you feel about those you share your body with.

Knowing and loving youself includes taking the time out to get yourself tested regularly for all things health related. Living a healthy lifestyle is not only necessary, but vital.

Learn, love, and live responsibly guys....

Until next time guys '...Keep calm and carry on.'

STAG-nation

You know what I really hate about driving to certain places? The thing I hate the most are the speed bumps that always get in the way. They always get in the way of you getting where you need to be in the time you want to be there. But ultimately, these speed bumps on the road to your destination get you where you need to be in a safe and timely manner; regardless of how much you hate it.

I think the same thing can be said about life and the obstacles that get in our way toward our ultimate destination. The things that seem to slow us down seem to do so for a reason. And most of the time, its just to make us reflect on what we have down and just look at the bigger picture. Any form of 'speed bumps' in our life, whether they be for good or for bad are usually put in our way to test our character. Most of the time they help us gauge how far we have come as people.

It's my personal belief that sleep is for sucka's and breaks are for cartilage, but going full throttle on every single endeavor with no signs of slowing down won't help you either. Sometimes a slow down in what you are doing is necessary but the problem lies in when you get stuck at that pit stop. The best scenario most of the time is to put your best foot forward while taking a moment to step back and reflect that all you have accomplished. This allows you to not become so consumed with what you HAVE to do and let's you appreciate WHAT you have done. Getting stuck in a standstill though is the worst thing that you can ever do.

If you have come to feeling that you have reached your metaphorical glass ceiling then chances are it's time you have exhausted all possibilities in that particular scenario. Slowing down to a standstill is never productive and usually leaves your train of thought idle. And you know what they say, 'An idle mind is the devil's playground'. What's usually best is to keep yourself occupied in things that don't seem so taxing on your psyche.

The most important thing to remember is that the off ramps and speed bumps in our lives are placed there for a reason. It's ok to slow down to enjoy the ride but never let them stop your progress.

Until next time folks '...Keep calm and carry on'

The Power of the Title

Here's the scenario...

You've been talking to someone for a long period of time. Things are going great, you enjoy them and they enjoy you. You all go out on dates, seen together in public with your friends, and even may have been intimate a time or 12. Then one day it all happens...you have the dreaded 'talk'. And we all know how it starts, 'I want to ask you something? Where is this going?' Suddenly things start getting 'real' and the dynamics of everything change drastically. You go from casually seeing each other to making what you have something that can be defined as a 'relationship'.

(Cue evil music) Duhn duh duh!!!

I don't mean this to sound derogatory, but why does it seem putting a title on something so carefree when dealing with other people always change things for the worst? I think we can all agree that there are a different set of rules for pre and post-title statuses. It feels like everything before that point where things become solidified is the part that's cake. Nothing's too stressful, you seem to genuinely enjoy each other and there's just no parameters on the opportunities that you two can have because there is nothing holding you back.

Once a title is placed on whatever you have with another person, there is a shift in the dynamics of the relationship. Most of the time it's because of the sense of entitlement that comes with the term 'boyfriend/ girlfriend'. Post title rules are like the physical manifestation of what a relationship should be as opposed to the care-free fantasy of what dating is.

Don't get me confused in thinking that I believe there is something wrong with monogamy; in fact I feel its beautiful. Taking that step to be committed to one person is very positive and very healthy, but the fact of the matter is the establishment of any title (husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend, etc) does change things, as well as your perception of one another considerably. So before you chose to pursue or not pursue a potential relationship, consider the power of the title you are putting on it. It could change your life.

Until next time folks '...Keep calm and carry on'

The "C" Word

Commitment.

What came to mind when you read that? Did you immediately wince in your seat? I know I had a rumbling in my stomach from the mention of it. Hell, that was scary just the thought of even writing it down. It feels as though the thought of only being with one person for a long period of time seems to put the fear of god in most people's heart worse than death sometimes. But where does this fear of only being exclusive with one person stem from? Why does it seem that the "C word" concept is one that most people can't wrap their minds around?

As far as I can conclude most people have a fear of the "C word" for one of three reasons:

Reason #1: 'Daddy issues'- It isn't a rare occurance for our parents to be seperated now a days. Seeing your father or mother move out of a marriage leaves a lasting impression of how relationships should be handled in their kids minds. So not having that proper example of a healthy relationship often adds to the fear of the big "C"; mostly because that person starts to feel it won't ever work.

Reason #2: 'Fear'- Quite simply people won't commit because they're a coward. They feel that if they give into the feelings that they have for their significant other then that will somehow restrict them and they will lose all of their indiviuality. So rather than facing the issue head on, they run and never take that next step; these people specialize in never taking chances in the matter of the heart.

Reason #3: 'The I'm Doing Me/Hoe Shit excuse' These type of people just aren't capable of loving anyone other than themselves. They have plenty of options and they're going to exhaust every one of them because they can. Most of the time they tell you what you want to hear just to get what they want. More often than not they have no intenions of being with only you, or anyone for that matter, and that's just the way it is.

Regardless of which category you may feel like you fall into, it is important to remember that commitment is a HUGE part in any relationship. It not only shows your strength of character, but allows you to grow as an individual. Making that all important step to making something official with someone shows that you are in it to win it with them. We all must protect our hearts from people who want to take advantage of us, but playing it safe all the time never got anyone anywhere. Besides if you aren't willing to lock down someone you truly care about there will always be someone else more than willing to do so.

Until next time folks '...Keep calm and carry on'

Dickmatized

Have you ever had that kind of sex that just made you lose your damn mind? I mean having flashbacks in the middle of the day, doing cartwheels in the middle of the street, can’t focus on your work, ‘they just put it on me like no other’ type of good sex?

Yeah I have too…

This is the type of sex that will render you helpless in any situation to succumb to your lovers every whim even though every fiber of your being doesn’t want to do it. But this person puts it on you so good that you will gladly be their ‘bitch’ in ANY situation.

You my friend have been thoroughly ‘dickmatized’…

And this doesn’t just go for girls (and the gays ‘how u doin?’), but for dudes too. When a girl puts that cat trap on you just right enough that you just fall victim to every trick she does to you, you have just been ‘dickmatized’, cause she put that ‘hypo-penis’ on you right. (S/O to my girl Jessica for coming up with ‘hypo-penis’ lol)

Being ‘dickmatized’ isn’t always a bad thing but the problem does arise when people start confusing that good dick/pussy that they’re getting with a real relationship. And when I say this, I mean when people start having that great sex as the basis of how they interact with one another. It’s not to say that there can NEVER be a relationship that comes out of great sex, but chances are most of the time it won’t happen. Still there are those who insist on trying to make it happen when it just won’t work.

Trying to make something solid out of relationship that is built on a shaky foundation, such as sex, is usually never a good idea. Sometimes it’s best to just let the good sex just be that, good sex. Enjoy that good pussy or that astonishing dick that you’re getting and call it a day.

But remember, “Whoop that pussy, don’t let that pussy whip you” ;)

Until next time folks ‘…Keep calm and carry on’

Wanting That Old Thing Back

‘Is it a crime, that I still want you, and I want you to want me too…’

Sade uttered those melodic words many years ago in one of her songs as an ode to a love that was lost in a desperate plea to recover what they once had. I heard that song as a kid and thought to myself, it really isn’t worth it to go back to someone you left in a relationship because there usually is a reason to why you left them. At that point I had looked at every situation in terms of what a relationship should be in terms of ideals and what I had heard in songs about what love should and shouldn’t be. Being so young and inexperienced in matters of the heart, it just felt like there had to be ground rules for everything in terms of relationships and especially a break-up.

Then one fateful day love hit and all that shit went out the window…

‘Love’ finally hit me and all the ideals I conditioned myself to believe started getting cloudy because this person rocked my world to the core. And ‘core shaking’ relationships usually affect you in ways that muddy up your judgment even after the love is gone. So when I heard Sade sing that song again years later I finally got where she was coming from in regards to wanting that old thing back. But my question is, what are we really asking for when we want to revisit our past with a former love?

Even with my ‘core rocked’ my sense of judgment isn’t thrown that awry that I can’t think logically with the situation that was. I still steadfastly believe that if you leave a person you were in a relationship with it is usually for a good reason, but sometimes that one bad reason can’t negate the good times you two once shared. And if those flashbacks ain’t a muthafucka then I don’t know what is?

But with every flashback to the good old times, ALL of the memories of the past start flooding back and you go in one big circle of what used to be. And that just leaves you right back at square one of why you separated in the first place. I’ve come to realize when we usually want that old thing back most of the time we usually just long for the thought of being with that person instead of truly wanting to be with them.

Those flashbacks of when times were good overwhelm our judgment and mentally stagnate us from moving on to the next or even with our lives. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with reliving the past from time to time, but it becomes a problem when you get stuck in the past. We all have our moments when we feel like we want to go back to what made us happy with a person from our past, but most of the time its best to let to let it go.

Hold dear the memories in your heart, but leave your heart open to new experiences for love…

Until next time folks ‘…Keep calm and carry on’